A young woman reported that her purse was stolen. The contents included a Harry Potter book. In a seemingly unrelated crime, police also responded to a complaint last week of a man humping a stick. Quidditch, anyone?

A man accused of stealing $40 from an area gas station told officers that the cashier had mistakenly given him too much in change. While he recognized the mistake immediately, he said, “I was broke, and I was focused on getting back to the strip club.”

Famous Last Words Before Getting Arrested: “Look, a police officer.”

Asked to perform a sobriety test, a DUI suspect told officers, “I can’t do that, I have had too much to drink.”

Lazy Threat O’ The Week: “I can get you when I feel like it.”

Items Stolen This Week: Eight bikes, eight GPS units, three iPods, and a laptop

In an entirely sympathetic crime (from our certainly biased perspective), a stolen credit card was used to pay for newspaper advertisements.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.