BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Among the items listed in the damage report of a domestic dispute was a first edition of the 1971 self-titled third album from the Carpenters.

Items Stolen This Week: Six bikes, four GPS units, and an iPod.

Officers used pepper spray on two men who were fighting on Market Street. The police report states, “After being sprayed, both offenders were very cooperative.” We have no doubt.

There were two separate instances where police found people holding water bottles that contained a yellow substance that appeared to be beer. They were right — but god bless the poor soul that had to make sure that was beer in the bottle.

When officers asked a man charged with disorderly conduct if he had anything sharp in his pockets, he said he had a “dildo” they could use. If this dildo was a sharp object, that certainly would explain his surly disposition.

Spontaneous Uttering O’ The Week: “I’m drunk. You got me, hands down.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.