Blotter o’ the Week: A man was hanging out in Marion Square when he was approached by an individual dressed in an American flag shirt and blue jeans who asked if he wanted to smoke some crack. The man turned down the offer and was later chased by the patriotic pal who witnesses described as swinging a chain over his head while screaming, “I’ll kill you.”
After his fishing rods were stolen, a fisherman was contacted by the owner of a pawn shop regarding the missing goods. According to an incident report, the two men “know each other through the fishing community,” and the pawn shop owner recognized the rods that were pawned by a woman as those belonging to his buddy from the docks. If police manage to track down the female suspect, it’s not likely to be a catch and release scenario.
A few busy beavers managed to steal thousands of dollars worth of lumber from a construction site.
A hotel manager called police after a dozen guests destroyed all the furniture inside the room they had rented for the evening. The guests were soon ejected from the room by hotel security, but they managed to leave behind a pistol and a small amount of marijuana.
A restaurant manager called police after an intoxicated bar patron began walking up to tables and cursing at customers. Officers arrived and asked the man for some form of identification, at which time he handed over his cell phone and keys. When asked if he had any friends inside the bar, the lonely lush replied “no.”
Police apprehended a real-life penny pincher spotted using a metal wire to steal coins from a row of parking meters downtown.
A young woman attempting to use a fake Florida ID to enter a bar was stopped by police for a quick quiz. The young woman was unable to name the capital of the Sunshine State or what year she graduated high school. After being stumped by the officer’s questions, she admitted that she was too young to drink — and also too young to have learned her state capitals or perform simple math.
Four drones and a pickle jar containing approximately $150 in change was stolen from a home by a burglar that appears to have gained supremacy over both the skies and the laundromat.
A department store employee called police after a plastic baggie full of Clonazepam was discovered in the store. For clarification, the store does not regularly stock unlabeled bags of prescription tranquilizers.
A greasy thief with sticky fingers managed to steal a deep fryer from inside a restaurant and escape on his bicycle in an impressive showing of balance and desperation.
An intoxicated man attempted to skip out on his $73 cab fare after telling the driver, “This is an Uber.” The driver grabbed the man by the arm as he began to step out of the cab, to which the man responded by punching the driver repeatedly. In the end, the man was arrested for refusing to pay a grand total of $373 — $73 for the ride and $300 to clean up all the blood.
Police tracked down a man after receiving multiple 911 calls during which he claimed that people are after him for refusing to sleep with female police officers and the city’s cocaine supply had been mixed with battery acid.