Illustration by Steve Stegelin

The Blotter is taken from reports filed with Charleston Police Department during the month of April, 2011.

Blotter of the Week: When a chef’s knives and a sharpening stone are stolen in unrelated break-ins, it’s just a coincidence. But with dishware stolen in yet another incident, it must be time for lunch.

RUNNERS UP

Officers were flagged down by a man who claimed that his ID had been taken by a bartender. When officers pointed out that he was holding his ID in his hand, the man corrected himself and said it was his debit card that had been taken. He didn’t know the name of the bar, but said, “It looks like a bar.”

Fighting Words O’ The Week: “Let’s go. Whoever gets the knife first can use it.”

Items stolen in one week: 10 iPods, eight GPS units, six bikes, six laptops, and a pair of binoculars.

Messy Defense O’ the Week: “I wasn’t peeing. I was just pouring out the rest of this liquor.” Still a crime.

A woman told her boyfriend not to break up with her because she was a “downtown” girl and she is not to be messed with. Just like Billy Joel said.

Daniel Island Perp O’ The Week: “You animals let me fucking go … I’m a doctor and you can’t treat me this way.”