BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: In a verbal dispute between neighbors about a dog running loose at an apartment complex, a man says he picked up a bamboo tiki torch in self-defense. The two people he was arguing with say he swung it around as a weapon.

A taxi driver was stopped at an intersection when two men started jumping on the taxi’s hood and trunk. One of the men taunted him, saying, “What are you gonna do, call the cops?” The driver called the cops and followed the two men until an officer could meet him. The officer arrested the men after he discovered they had pot and cocaine in the pockets of their shorts.

NON SEQUITUR O’ THE WEEK: “That’s not my crack. I’m disabled.”

A crowd watched on as someone banged on the windows of a closed downtown restaurant demanding food at 2:15 a.m. The person was arrested on a disorderly conduct charge.

Someone told an 81-year-old woman that she had won $500,000 and then convinced her that she needed to wire money to Costa Rica in order to receive the winnings. Elsewhere in the city, a group of three men yelled at a man in a wheelchair, pushed him out of it onto the sidewalk, and then ran away. People.

A man apparently shoplifted four boxes of wine, one at a time, by taking them to the store bathroom and downing them while sitting on the john. When police confronted him in the bathroom, they noticed some bloody toilet paper in the water and asked him about it. He said he was bleeding from his anus.

Someone broke into a house and stole the stove, the refrigerator, the water heater, and, yes, the kitchen sink.

A man evacuated his family through a bedroom window and called police when he heard someone entering their home through the back porch door. When an officer arrived at the house, he found someone sleeping on the couch and arrested him for trespassing. The offender said he had been dropped off there by a friend who said it was a friend’s house and it was OK to sleep there.

VAGUE THREAT O’ THE WEEK: “I’m gonna put something on you.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.