Illustration by Steve Stegelin

The Blotter is taken from reports filed with Charleston Police Department between Oct. 28 and Nov. 5. No one described in this section has been found guilty, just unlucky.

BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A downtown man decided his time was best spent trying to dismantle the legal system through radical libertarianism after officers told him he couldn’t drive his truck while under the influence. His response: “This is my truck, and I can do whatever I want with it.”

Officers reported it was difficult to discern whether the driver they stopped for suspected driving under the influence in West Ashley had slowed, slurred speech, or if it was just their accent. And people wonder why it’s so easy to get out of a DUI.

A man went on a date downtown with a woman he met on an online dating website. During the night, he gave her permission to use his credit card to buy their food, which she did. She also bought $6,000 worth of other stuff from high-end retailers.

Normally with shopliftings, you have an idea what the thief is going to use the items for, but one West Ashley man stole an assortment of items, including nine packs of socks, two packs of rubber bands, a lava lamp, a journal and a woman’s shirt. Our only guess is … bachelor pad?

A handgun and two rifles were stolen from a vehicle parked outside of a downtown restaurant. We had such a long, no-guns-stolen-from-cars streak going, too.

Police were concerned that a vehicle’s window tint may have been in violation of state law, but when the driver rolled the window down after being pulled over, the tint peeled right off, so it couldn’t be tested. Good thing the driver had some weed on him, otherwise the police may not have been able to write him a ticket.

Officers saw a man sitting near a fountain downtown and drinking from a large, dark bottle. Officers approached the man, who told them that the bottle wasn’t his. Based on their prior observations, the officers found that statement to be false.

A downtown man believes an acquaintance of his stole his Xbox One, two controllers, and an assortment of games. She’s doing you a favor, man, the new Xbox comes out in, like, two weeks.

A handgun went missing from a downtown hotel room, and the only people who have access, according to a report, are two housekeepers, the linens remover and the front desk supervisor. A classic whogunnit.

A downtown man told officers that he had left his wallet in a red Husky lunch box, which was stolen from his car. Do people not just carry wallets in their pockets anymore? Are we behind the times?

A West Ashley man reported that one of the taxis he owns was been parked outside a tire store for a couple weeks, and during that time, its catalytic converter was been stolen. The store manager told officers that he has had a number of customers’ vehicles have their catalytic converters stolen. Coincidence?