Steve Stegelin

Blotter o' the week: Two unknown people entered an assisted living facility on Daniel Island and stole a television from an unlocked room. They'll probably return it when they realize the only programmed channels show Murder, She Wrote reruns and Fox & Friends.

A woman off Clements Ferry Road found her patio door ajar earlier this month. While nothing was missing from her apartment, she says her underwear drawer was rummaged through. The offender was probably just looking for money and didn't realize how inappropriate this was until he stumbled upon her underwear.

A cyclist downtown was arrested for disorderly conduct after refusing to cooperate with officers. He told police that he only had three beers. We're not saying that's untrue, but we also can't say whether the offender knows how to handle his alcohol.

A West Ashley woman's vehicle was stolen from her driveway for the second time in the last year, she told police. The victim said that nothing of value was in her vehicle. But to be honest, her "I came to get down" bumper sticker has to be worth something.

At the intersection of two busy downtown streets, an officer spotted a man drinking in public. When confronted, the offender told the officer that he thought it was OK to drink beer. The report doesn't confirm how many times he said, "It's OK, it's just beer," but we bet it was at least five.

While trying to diffuse a confrontation between several men outside of a downtown bar, the earliest motive officers could discern was someone cutting someone else in the bathroom line. Despite what you're thinking, we assure you: Everyone was old enough to be in the bar.

After noticing a boisterous commotion centered around a man lying in the middle of a downtown street, officers say the man admitted he "drank too much" because he was upset about a recent situation. We hope he's doing better.

A man's vehicle was stolen from its downtown parking spot Tuesday. The victim described it as a lifted, gun-metal gray, black-rimmed EZ-GO golf cart with a duct-taped windshield. The rest of the description given makes it sound even more like a car out of Mad Max.

After leaving a West Ashley store, a man was unable to find his gray Nissan Murano. Thinking he had just forgotten where he had parked and embarrassed he had lost his car in the lot, he called his sister instead of the police. Turns out it was probably stolen. At least now he doesn't have to be embarrassed.

After being involved in a traffic accident in West Ashley, a man attempted to steal another's car which was apparently in better condition. When he was unsuccessful, he then tried to steal the ambulance. Let's just say, he's on a losing streak.

Fun fact of the week: Huffing is also called "the use of aromatic hydrocarbons." One man was accused of such a deed when he was found unconscious in a vehicle on a West Ashley roadway. A woman found him, woke him up, and he immediately reached for his can of compressed air.