Blotter o’ the Week:A woman says she was walking in the hallway of her apartment complex when a neighbor came out of her apartment, swung a walker over her head, and attempted to hit the woman with it. A police officer spoke with the accused woman and noted that she seemed to have a hard time standing up without support, making it unlikely that she had wielded the walker. No one had been arrested or charged at the time of the police report.

A man was seen drinking an alcoholic beverage on the sidewalk while waving his genitals at passing pedestrians and vehicles.

After a shop owner accused him of shoplifting a $20 ring, a man told a police officer, “I would be willing to pay for the ring. Can I talk to the owner of the store?” The officer arrested him.

While on night patrol, a police officer saw a woman litter by placing an open bottle of beer on the sidewalk. The officer asked the woman several times to pick up the bottle, and she eventually answered that she wouldn’t pick up the bottle for fear of getting in trouble. Finally, a bouncer from a nearby club picked the bottle up and handed it to the woman. The officer handed her a ticket for an open container violation.

A man in a dark suit and a button-up shirt took off running to avoid paying a taxi fare, according to a cab driver. When a police officer caught up with the man, he denied riding in the taxi and seemed to have a hard time speaking in complete sentences. The officer arrested him on a public intoxication charge.

A police officer arrested a woman on a public intoxication charge after she was found trying to enter someone’s home late at night. The woman said she was trying to get into her friend’s house, but it turned out she was at the wrong house.

A woman got caught shoplifting more than $80 worth of beauty products in her purse. Remember: Crime doesn’t pay, and it sure won’t make you pretty.

Heist o’ the Week: The manager of a marina arrived at work one morning and discovered that a can of beer had mysteriously appeared on a desk in the office. Then he noticed that someone had apparently popped out some ceiling tiles in the receptionist area, climbed through the drop ceiling to another room, and stolen $1,500 worth of coins. When asked if he had any suspects in mind, the marina’s owner said two employees had called out sick that morning.

A witness saw a tour bus driver get out of his bus and take a swig from a beer can concealed in a brown paper bag. When a police officer confronted the driver about it, he said he had just finished his shift and wanted to have a drink before going home. He also said he was aware of the city’s open-container laws because he’d been cited for the same offense three weeks prior.

A football coach says that someone has been approaching local business owners saying he’s selling ads in a program for the upcoming football season. The coach says the person has nothing to do with his school’s athletic department.

A woman stumbled out into the road and nearly ran into a moving police car. When the cop who was driving the vehicle spoke to her, the woman said, “I’m wasted, I know,” and told the officer she was walking to the store to buy some beer.

A man flagged down a police officer in a bar district to say that someone had jumped him. He pointed out the perpetrator, a man standing across the street who had blood on his hat, shirt, pants, and hands. When the officer caught up with the suspect and asked where the blood came from, he said he had cut his hand on some glass (there were no cuts on his hand). The officer arrested the suspect on an assault charge, and the victim later explained that some other guys had made some comments about the suspect’s girlfriend and that the whole incident was “a case of mistaken identity.”

Somebody broke into a house and stole three televisions, a wireless speaker, and nothing else. The homeowner noted that the thief did not take a laptop computer, shotgun, numerous tools, or a fourth TV that were still in the house.

A man says he was out at a bar with his dog when he got in a disagreement with a woman over their “views on socializing older dogs.” He stopped talking to the woman and realized later that his dog was missing. He told a police officer that he thinks the woman stole his dog.

Open Containers o’ the Week: A bottle of brandy on a car floorboard, a bottle of light beer in a pants pocket, a water bottle full of tequila mixed with lemonade, and a two-thirds-empty bottle of whiskey beside a man who was lying on the steps in front of a bar.

When asked about a digital scale that was found in a car he was riding in, a man told a police officer that it belonged to his girlfriend and that she used it to measure ingredients for cooking. There was also some weed in the vehicle, so it might have had something to do with that.

Weapon o’ the Week: A brick.

Half-Assed Vandalism o’ the Week: A woman walked out to her car and discovered that two of the tires had been slashed. A third tire had a slash mark on it, but it wasn’t deep enough to deflate the tire. There were also scrape marks around the gas cover, possibly from someone trying to pry it open.