Blotter o’ the Week: An officer spotted an intoxicated man stumbling around outside of a downtown bar before crashing into a garbage can. After colliding with the trash, the man quickly regained his footing and began chatting up a group of nearby ladies, who were likely not impressed with his acrobatics.

A naked woman was found wandering across the parking lot of a convenience store late one evening. The woman informed police that she had consumed a considerable amount of alcohol and “had done some other drugs,” according to an incident report.

A woman called police after viewing surveillance footage of what appeared to be a naked woman holding a pair of shoes in her apartment. Believing all the woman’s roommates were out of the house, police and firefighters entered the home and were surprised to find one of the roommates and her friend hiding in the bathroom. They had received a call about the possible intruder and returned home to check it out. When they heard officers entering, they hid in the shower.

A driver refused to let the parking boot placed on his vehicle put a damper on his day. As he began to speed off in the car, the boot broke off of the vehicle. At this point, the driver exited the car, retrieved the boot from the middle of the street and placed it in his car before driving away. While the driver may not be so keen on parking regulations, at least he’s considerate enough not to litter.

A one-legged man shoplifted four pairs of pants from a hardware store. Maybe he would have actually paid if they were half-off.

A young man was charged with filing a false police report after telling officers that his father’s truck had been stolen. The truck was later recovered at the scene of a collision, and investigators noted that the truck stereo remained untouched by the alleged car thieves. A subsequent search of the man’s phone records showed a text message stating “Nahh I wreak last night” sent the same day he reported the truck stolen.

According to an incident report, a man posing as a realtor was able to con $1,000 from a gullible renter with whom he had only communicated online and via text message.

An intoxicated man was found yelling at passersby while standing in a parking lot. Dressed in a bathing suit, the man refused a ride home from officers and said that they could either take him to “Sunoco or to jail.” Suffice to say, he never made it to Sunoco.

An officer located a vehicle parked in the middle of the road late one evening with the engine still running. After approaching the car, the officer found the driver asleep at the wheel. The officer was able to wake the driver, who immediately responded, “I’m done.” After admitting to having several drinks before getting behind the wheel, the driver continued to ask officers if they knew his son or had ever been to his house. They had not.

Three roommates began to fight after one of them completely removed the knob from the front door of their home without consulting her fellow housemates. The less-than-reasonable roommate later explained to officers that she removed the door knob simply because she didn’t want to get locked out, which seems much more complicated than remembering your key.

Bar staff informed police that there was an angry customer outside the bar who refused to leave. Upon speaking with police, the woman waiting outside the establishment informed the officer that a man inside the bar had touched her inappropriately and she responded to his advances. Bar staff later provided a separate account of the evening, telling police that they saw the woman throw a drink in a man’s face before kneeing him in the groin, which hopefully taught him the importance of keeping his hands to himself.