BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Fun times in the Wragg Square fountain: “The suspect was on the very top tier, dancing in a circle and attempting to put on water skis.”

Bad Start O’ The Week: An officer began explaining a roadside sobriety test when he was stopped by the suspect. “I’ve done this before,” the man said. “I know how to do these tests.”

Threat O’ The Week: “I’m 57. You can step up to get some Heinz 57.”

A townhouse resident recovering from an all-day party said he couldn’t remember how his place got trashed. At least $650 in damage included several holes in the walls, a sliding glass door that was completely shattered, and a freshly broken ceiling fan.

A man told police that a car pulled up alongside him at a Folly Road intersection and the driver pointed a gun at him. The victim later contacted officers to say that the mysterious driver turned out to be his cousin and that he wouldn’t have called the police if he knew that it was his family member.

A man wanted on a warrant in family court was arrested while applying for a job at the Charleston Police Department.

Items Stolen this Week: Eight iPods, six bikes, four GPS units, and a laptop.

There were two separate incidents this week of threats via Facebook, reinforcing the need for an “unlike” button.

A woman called police when she saw a 12-year-old boy stealing a water gun from her backyard. Watch out, Dennis the Menace. She’s coming for you next.

Suspected of walking down the street with a cocktail, a young woman refused to tell officers her age, repeatedly saying, “Over 21.” You’ll be shocked to learn that she, in fact, was under 21.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty.