Blotter o’ the week:
A rookie “initiation” went south when a high school football team turned on one of its players with broom sticks, belts, and folding chairs in a dark locker room.

A café manager snuck a $24 scented candle out of a James Island boutique in the most local crime ever committed.

When asked about the $800 in cash and the digital scale in his car, an East Central man simply replied, “I work.”

Tales from the CPD: “He then advised her to obtain $6,000 in Apple Brand gift cards.” Don’t do it. “[She] then responded to the downtown Charleston location of the Apple Store at which time she purchased gift cards totaling in $6,000.” Oh my god.

This week in Victoria’s Secret thefts: A man and a woman in a shower cap stole nine T-shirts, five leggings, four hoodies, three gift sets, and one pair of underwear from a downtown store while an employee worked the checkout counter. Total value: $1,165.45.

A man walked into a West Ashley department store wearing white Nikes, but a loss prevention officer saw him leave with brown shoes on. When she asked him to follow her back into store, the man replied, “I didn’t steal anything,” kicked off the brown shoes, and sped off.

A woman was booked into county jail after trying to steal two mini lip balms and a pack of face wipes from a West Ashley department store.

A woman told an officer that she has no idea who took a pipe to her car’s rear window.

Someone stole four pairs of Air Jordans valued at $600, one pair of $150 Reeboks, a $450 watch, and a TV from a West Ashley storage facility. Hypebeasts everywhere cried.

When an officer approached a man who was yelling loudly on the street, the man took off his shirt, got into a fighting stance, and yelled at the officer.

A man tried to steal $62 worth of steaks from a West Ashley grocery store.

A man walked 10 feet past a police car to pee on a stone wall on King Street. When the officer yelled at him, the man was so startled that he soaked his own shirt while apologizing profusely.