Illustration by Steve Stegelin

Blotter of the Week: A West Ashley woman’s ex-boyfriend kicked a dent in her front door during an argument. She told police that this isn’t the first time he’s attempted this, and the last time, he broke his foot. She said it was likely that he had been working out, which police noted was likely not relevant to the actual crime. 

Runners Up

While pouring out an intoxicated woman’s alcohol, she yelled at police, “I paid good money for that.” Police noted that it was “about a $6 bottle of wine from a nearby store.” I mean, $6 is $6.

Police told the driver of a gray Dodge Charger to step outside, to which the man replied, “Why don’t you step outside, so I can beat your ass?”

A downtown man claimed two men came to his house and stole his car, leaving cash behind. Police determined he likely sold the car while black-out drunk. Sounds like a less-trippy sequel to Dude, Where’s My Car?