Blotter of the Week: When police asked a drunk man where he lived, he replied, “Blue house. Brown house.” The dude’s roommate must be Dr. Seuss.

Scam o’ the Week: A man got a call from a stranger who told him that he had won $450,000 in the lottery and that, in order to collect his winnings, the man would have to buy $300 worth of lottery tickets and hand them over to the stranger. Sounds plausible.

A man was sitting in his car with the window rolled down when a stranger ran past and threw 15 grams of marijuana into the vehicle. The stranger was on the run from police after trespassing at a public housing complex.

A man tried to shoplift over $1,000 worth of jeans from a department store in a plastic bag. It probably made for a riveting story back at the police station.

Shoplifting Haul o’ the Week: A shoe insert, a bottle of calcium pills, and a bottle of krill oil pills.

After breaking the terms of his lease, a tenant demanded his $450 security deposit back. The landlord said no, and one day a stranger showed up at the landlord’s door holding a gun and a note that read, “Cocksucker I told you I had nothing better to do today! $450.00 due yesterday.”

Suspect Description o’ the Week: The suspect in a hit and run was described to police as a “white male (with a small beard).”

Police responded to a call about a man who had passed out in a library bathroom at 3 in the afternoon. When they woke the man up, he said that he had been drinking.

Stolen From Vehicles This Week: A briefcase, a work binder, some business and personal paperwork, $60 cash, a pair of sunglasses, a wallet, two purses, a credit card, four debit cards, two driver’s licenses, an MP3 player, eyeliner, perfume, a phone charger, a light bulb, and a bowling license.

Police stopped a drunk man who ran across East Bay Street, and the man said, “I need a ride home, I am drunk.” When the cop asked the man where he thought he was, he first replied, “North Carolina,” but then he revised his answer to “Mt. Pleasant.” Getting warmer …

After getting pulled over for swerving in traffic, a man told police, “I was going to a friend’s house to sober up before I drove home.” When the officer asked the man if he was drunk, he replied, “I am not sober,” and then said, “Buzzed, yeah, I guess.” His blood alcohol content was nearly twice the legal limit.

Two juveniles were arrested on a charge of shooting other children with a pellet gun on a playground.

Cocaine Hiding Place o’ the Week: Inside a shoe in a bedroom.

When the management of a bar asked a disorderly man to leave the establishment, he unzipped his pants while walking down the interior stairs and peed all the way down.

A downtown resident told police that a stranger was sleeping on his porch swing. When police woke the front-porch snoozer, he said he was staying at this house with a friend.

Jackass o’ the Week: After a cop pulled a man over and discovered that he was driving with a suspended license, the man took a page from the Reese Witherspooon playbook and said, “Do you know who I am? I am a doctor, and I have received multiple awards.” After he was arrested, the man said, “I have a trip to Africa scheduled, and people are going to suffer because you’re taking me to jail.”

Police woke up a taxi driver who was sleeping in his cab with a homemade crack pipe in his hand. Upon awakening, the cabbie said he was just taking a nap.