The Blotter is taken from Charleston Police Department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.


Blotter o’ the week: A man, who was found driving on the James Island Connector with a flat tire, took a field sobriety test and counted his steps by saying “right Fruit of the Loom, left Fruit of the Loom.”

A serviceman brought home another guy from a downtown bar. While at the house, he heard a loud bang at the door. A third guy burst into the house to argue with his hook-up, so he left them alone and locked himself in his room. When he woke up, he was missing his backpack, which contained a $2,000 gas meter, a $1,000 laptop, and his passport and Social Security card.

A woman distracted an employee at a King Street luxury store by pretending to buy something while a man stole a $700 pair of sunglasses. After reviewing security footage, staff noticed that the man also tried to steal a purse by moving it closer and closer to the entrance, but he eventually abandoned it.

A man was seen sitting on a Meeting Street stoop and drinking a strawberry colada out of a brown paper bag. He fully admitted to officers that he was drinking because, at that point, what are you really gonna do?

A man waved at a cashier and told her to have a good night as he pushed a cart full of beef and laundry detergent out of a West Ashley grocery store.

Officers responded to a burglary call and found a naked man sitting on the front porch of a house. The man said he had shot up crystal meth earlier that day and had no idea where his clothes went or how he got there.

Officers found and arrested a man who allegedly choked another man at a bus stop and demanded his sneakers, a pair of Air Force 1s, that were eventually returned to the victim.

Someone scratched a West Ashley man’s truck and slapped a Yeti sticker onto the tailgate.

Some shade from the Charleston Police Department: “Both subjects were advised that the proper venue to seek wages is through Berkeley County Small Claims Court, and not through parking lot shouting matches.”

A man who was cited for reckless driving complained to an officer that the police department wasn’t doing enough to punish slow drivers.

A man was issued a ticket for sitting on a King Street sidewalk at 12:30 a.m. on a Thursday — a totally useful and rational way to punish existing outside.

An employee at a King Street bar said that a customer who had an altercation with the manager of the bar next door earlier that night, elbowed her in the breast and called her a “bitch from hell.”