What, you might ask, inspired the City Paper to publish another installment of Craigslist Poetry after a seven-month hiatus? Maybe this week’s Insatiable Summer Book Issue had us thinking literary thoughts. Maybe it’s the fact that, as the sun peeks its way out from behind the clouds after a stormy start to the summer, the heat in the air is stoking our romantic passions.
Or maybe it’s that “Taylor Swift or Pablo Neruda?” quiz that’s going around on Facebook, where you have to distinguish between lines written by the pop country superstar and the Nobel Prize-winning Chilean poet. We got a 15 out of 15. It wasn’t that hard.
The following are actual entries from the Missed Connections section of Charleston Craigslist, divided into lines and stanzas and presented without embellishment:
Pretty red flower in your hair today – m4w – 29 (Ladson)
I do need little things
from time to time
but when i do come in
i hope your there
and disappointed when your not.
You have the prettiest chocolate skin
Blue Knights Rider in Black – m4m – 43 (I-26 West)
Sir is a most handsome older African American male —
and well, if it would please Sir,
this white boy sure could enjoy
some hot chocolate,
stroller – m4w (summerville)
you was walking around the trailer park
with blue jeans on a purple tank top
and pushing a green stroller
i am sure you no who i am
cause this is twice i have seen you
Blues tonight (saturday) – m4w (Mt pleasant)
I came out of nowhere and took your hand
to dance and we proceeded to dance
and have fun all night, then when it came time to leave
you and your friend disappeared without me noticing
and when I realized you had left
you were already in the car
leaving so I didn’t even have a chance.
hmm – m4w – 22 (summerville)
To the beautiful young lady
I met the other night
we met in a strange way. I Repo your car.
I’d like to have a chance to talk to you.
I know this is a long shot but I figured I’d try
Sexy red bearded mason – w4m – 42
Where did you go? Was it something I said? Waited
but that was a long damn bathroom break.
If you’re still interested, reply
with why I’m terrified of the ocean
and we can celebrate independence any day.
I Flew Too Close to the Sun – m4w – 22 (Charleston)
Yet in spite of it all, you’re all I can think of.
I know you’re married
and you have a baby on the way,
but I can’t stop thinking about you.
The real clencher? I’m over you.
I don’t want to be with you.
I want someone new,
someone who won’t bruise my heart at every open opportunity.
If you showed up on my doorstep, begging for pity,
I don’t know if I would slam the door in your face
or take you to my room for make up sex.
Honey, you let me fly way too close to the sun,
and I lost my wings because of it.
Now I’m stuck on Earth, while you fly away with your “Adonis”,
that douchebag Josh with the perfect bod and the money bags
who told you everything you wanted to hear.
I’m stuck here in God forsaken Charleston,
struggling to even find a woman who will give me any attention.
I can’t believe it — all those times we made hot and sweaty love
in my four post double bed, I thought you loved me and I had life by the balls.