Dear Gamecock Fans,

I feel your pain.  I grew up a certified Clemson hater in Upstate South Carolina,  so while I am not a “fan” of the Gamecocks, I do have an affinity for the Garnett and Black.   And with every heart wrenching loss, I thank God that I am not a fan.  With every Hall of Fame couch that can’t turn things around, with every fumble in the end zone, I feel worse and worse for the teeming masses shaking the top of William Bryce Stadium.

The University of South Carolina might have the highest suffering fan base of any team in the country.  And I say that as a Chicago Cubs fan.  Because for years the Cubs were just plain awful, 20 games out of first place.  But the Gamecocks seem to find fresh ways to build hope in their fans, only to slowly and painfully make all that hope go away.  They’re the girl you are so desperately in love with, and she just won’t stop cheating on you.  And  she comes back to you, with new promise rings and sex addict counseling.  And you take her back, forgetting about the time she blew four guys in one night, forgetting about how you walked in on her getting rammed by your boss, forgetting about how she left your engagement dinner to go screw the bartender at Ruby Tuesdays.   No matter what awful things she has done, God has punished you by not allowing you to fall out of love with this soulless, evil whore.  And that soulless, evil whore, is the University of South Carolina football team.

So sorry.