Apparently swimming isn’t the only thing contributing to Michael Phelps’s huge appetite.

Michael Phelps has been pictured with a bong.  That’s right America.  Those beautiful glass pipes that people buy for “tobacco use only” ended up on the mouth of America’s favorite swimmer.  And since no one in the history of bongs has actually smoked tobacco out of them, we can only assume that our Golden Boy, our 8 time Olympic champion, our spokesman for The Rosetta Stone was, oh how could it be…smoking pot.     

Not to worry.  He has issued an apology to his fans and claimed he used “bad judgement” and assured everyone that this will never happen again.  

Why is it that we as a country cannot accept the fact that someone might smoke marijuana and not be a complete and total screw up?  Michael Phelps is 23 years old and a multi millionaire.  What else has he got to do?  And he’s from Baltimore for crying out loud!  Have you seen The Wire?  He could be doing a lot worse. 

It’s not like he’s flying planes, or performing surgery of any kind.  His life’s work, his profession, is a fucking swimmer.  He swims.  And since he is tall and has freakishly long arms, he swims faster then everyone else.  And since we in this country are a bunch of idiots and hoist athletic achievement above everything else, he’s got lots and lots of money.  So of course he’s going to smoke pot, go to strip clubs…that’s what I’d be doing.  That’s what we’d all be doing. 

I think all marijuana users should come out of the closet.  The same way people accept homosexuals more when they know people who are openly homosexual, so will America realize pot isn’t the devil weed if more people admitted to doing it.  

So Free Michael Phelps.  And Free Ourselves.