If legendary anchorman Ron Burgandy were in Charleston for the week, he would enjoy hourslong sailing excursions accompanied by a quintet of six foot models of varying hair colors, a bottle of fine single malt scotch, and his dog Baxter. He would dock his boat wherever he damn pleased, climb to the top of the Cooper River Bridge, and feast alone on fine wine, half decent cheese, and the beautiful Charleston skyline. He would end his night with a gentle mustache combing and a spirited game of online mahjong, then fall happily asleep in silk Channel 4 News Team pajamas and headgear, dreaming of sugarplums and a future on network news. He would wake up naturally the next day at exactly 7:15 a.m., and do it all over again, only, left handed. But you are not Ron Burgandy. So here is some free stuff for you mere mortals.

MONDAY: The week starts off on a somber note with filmmaker Lydia Nibley, as she discusses her film Two Spirits, the story of a Navajo youth murdered amid his personal dealings with gender roles.

TUESDAY: Feeling like you are in a glass case of emotion? Local author and therapist Judy Heath will discuss the topic of grief as she reviews her new book No Time for Tears: Surviving Grief in America. Also Tuesday, the Home Energy Conservation Workshop teaches you how to make your home more energy efficient.

WEDNESDAY: Local soul/blues band Sarah Cole and the Hawkes begin a weekly tradition at Art’s Bar and Grill. No word yet on whether or not Ron will be accompanying on jazz flute. Also, the Heart of a Man: The Making of an African-American Blacksmith exhibit will continue displaying the ironworks of Charleston blacksmith Philip Simmons.

THURSDAY: The man, the myth, the legend, makes an appearance with a screening of Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy at Movies on the Green. Progressive artists including Kendall Messick, Brian Rutenberg, and Kevin Taylor will be displaying their photography, paintings, and videos at the Summer exhibition. Hosted by Outlaw Poets, the Third Thursday Poetry Slam welcomes all to watch or participate in this monthly poetry slam.

FRIDAY: The big dog Ron Burgandy is a still life model in his free time. However, he will likely not be the subject of any pieces in the With.In art show. The show will display still life pieces from local painters Karen Silvestro and Tami Carnella as well as utilitarian and sculpture works from Cone 10 Studio artists Florenzo Berardozzi, Betsey Carter, and Susan Gregory.

SATURDAY: Hot rod, muscle, and classic car owners are encouraged to show off their vehicles at the Car Pros Plaza Grand Opening. Incidentally, the first half of that sentence was comprised entirely of Ron Burgandy nicknames. Awards will be given to the most distinctive and memorable cars on display with lunch provided for all cruisers. Local art, live music, stand-up comedy, finger-painting, a slip ‘n’ slide, and free pizza from D’Allesandros comprise the Read All About It festival. Sounds like Sunday brunch at Ron Burgandy’s house. Over 30 artists have decorated shower doors for your amusement. The doors and other art will be on display accompanied by live music and craft and food vendors at the Through the Looking Glass art festival. Certainly part of Burgandy’s collection of leather bound books, Marti Healy will be signing copies of her latest novel The Secret Child. Celebrate Father’s Day early at the Family Fling on Farmfield. The event will include a dunking booth and a gas grill giveaway incase you forgot to get your dad a present.

SUNDAY: The first in a series of indie movie screenings provided by Guerrilla Cinema will be shown at the Tin Roof this Sunday. But more importantly, it’s Father’s Day, so hang out with your dad or grandfather for free this Sunday. You stay classy Charleston.