Alvin Greene has a diploma. And not from the Forrest Gump School of Wisdom-Spouting Rubes either. Heck, despite his action-figure-making aspirations, as far as we know, he never went to Mattel University to major in G.I. Joe.

The surprise U.S. Senate candidate reportedly has a degree in political science from a fully accredited outfit, the University of South Carolina. Of course, this fact is likely to make Gamecocks wince, and yet another reason for Clemson alumni to believe theirs is the superior state-run school. Which it is.

Seeing as how Alvin is a big-time politician, he’s now a certified South Carolina VIP. Some might even argue that makes him something of a person to respect, a sage even. Clearly, no one gets as far as he’s gotten on sheer luck alone.

So, the City Paper decided to chat for a bit with the Democratic candidate and see what, if any, advice he has for college students. Here goes:

On choosing Mon.-Wed.-Fri. classes or Tue. and Thurs. classes:

That makes no difference. That’s not a big deal. That doesn’t matter.

On choosing early morning classes:

That really doesn’t matter. That’s up to them.

On how to prepare for an exam:

They have to study and go to class. It’s that simple.

On dealing with a bad roommate:

Stay alone. Do without a roommate.

On buying textbooks:

I don’t know. There’s something good about me; they can check it out. I encourage people to look at my campaign and to vote for me for the United States Senate here in South Carolina. Alvin Greene. Yes. That’s a good thing.

On preventing the Freshmen 15:

Work out.

On the best kind of work outs:

It’s just whatever they’re comfortable with, aerobics, whatever just gets them gym time in. Sports. Recreation.

On choosing a major:

They have to choose something they’re interested in knowing and something in line with the profession they want to be in.

On not being broke in college:

Get a part-time job doing something, whatever, at the school, something locally.

On whether or not to join a fraternity or sorority:

That’s up to them. That’s an individual decision.

On combating a hangover:

I don’t know.

On getting a bad grade:

They can just try to find out what they didn’t do or what went wrong and learn from it next time. Study differently or something.

On being homesick:

Call home regularly. And go home on the weekends sometimes.

On washing laundry:

They have to do the laundry as needed, whenever it can fit into their schedule. Usually that is on the weekend or something, after class.

On having fun:

Go to the sporting events, the football games, the basketball games, whatever, the soccer games.

On taking notes:

They just need to make sure they have something to write with and something to write on. Be prepared and pay attention.

On meeting people:

They can always meet people. They have classmates.

On fraternizing with professors:

No fraternization. It should only be professional. That’s it.

On making the most of their college experience:

Taking their education seriously and working hard.

On paying student loans:

Support me and my campaign. I’m Alvin Greene for U.S. Senate, and I can come up with some ways they can just work, they can just maybe work their loans off. Do community projects or something.