Used to be if you moved far away from your hometown, you wouldn’t see your people again for the rest of your life.

Then phones came along and allowed us to keep in contact with the ones we love even if we lived thousand of miles apart.

Then call waiting and cellphones came along, allowing us to break off contact with people we had no interest in talking to.

Then Texting came and it allowed us to reconnect with the people we had no interest in talking to.

Then came Friendster.  Find people you used to be friends with.  That lasted all of 30 seconds, and now those Friendster people just need to kill themselves.  I guess I still have an account with them because in my email inbox I keep getting Friendster message notifications.  I was interested, because I respect an organization trying to make a comeback.  They were just spam for porn sites.

Then came Myspace.  Good old Myspace.  That’s the social networking site I grew to know and love.  But now Myspace is so lonely.  I log in now and I see tumbleweeds going across my screen.  I go look at people’s pages and they haven’t logged in since 2005.  The last time I went on Myspace I actually had a friend request.  I emailed the person- what is wrong with you?  This party is way over.

Then Facebook.  I am on it, but Myspace was my first love, and Facebook is just keeping the sheets warm.  My wife, on the other hand, is so addicted to Facebook I now have to communicate with her through status updates.  And all my friends don’t need to know the David Lee Nelson is Naked in the Next Room.  And her friends don’t need to know that my wife Is Not Interested.

And now there’s Twitter.  I heard someone talking about it.  It sounded like a porn site.  Like barely legal girls masturbating.  So I checked out the website, and I found out it’s not young girls masturbating.  It’s people you know telling you what they’re doing all the time.  Which sounds a lot like masturbating to me.