I don’t know about you, but I’m glad that Donald Trump’s penis is now a central character in the 2016 presidential race. The appearance of the original Don Junior is an unexpected but welcome addition to the political arena, where the previously agreed upon rules of decorum have been discarded in favor of a no-holds-barred bukkake royale in which a lot worse than mud is being slung by the candidates.
The truth is, I can’t even begin to fathom exactly what will come next, but I know where it’s going to land — everywhere.
In the next GOP debate, will Wolf Blitzer make Ted Cruz watch “2Girls, 1Cup” and post the reaction video to Youtube?
Or will Gwen Ifill turn to John Kasich and ask him the following question: “Is waterboarding a nature extension of water sports in the 50 Shades era?”
Will Megan Kelly look at Marco Rubio standing behind the podium and ask him, “What is your favorite brand of lube?”, to which the Florida senator will fumble around until he gives his stock answer to any and all questions: “Let’s dispel this notion that a man buggering a blowup doll doesn’t know what he’s doing. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He is trying to complete his Barbie holiday collection. I’m not just pro-life. I’m pro-plastic. Life begins at Mattel.”
Think about it folks. We are one step away from talking about Santorum on the debate stage and the former Pennsylvania senator will not be standing there beside his fellow GOP also-rans. He’ll be at home exercising his Kegels, and he’ll do it while wearing a sweater vest. Oh the perversity.
The truth is modern politics is no different than prostitution, except that hookers have the good sense not to fellate the entire state of Iowa without getting paid a sizable sum for their services.
But as foul and nasty as it to have Donald Trump’s penis a part of the national political conversation, it pales in comparison to what Summerville’s Jenny Horne did last week.
Maybe you’ve heard, maybe you haven’t, but Horne bashed Mark Sanford for, well, bashing Donald Trump. Sanford’s not alone, of course. Lindsey Graham, Tim Scott, and Nikki Haley have been dissing The Donald for ages now — hell, Lindsey has practically turned it into a new spectator sport, the likes of which the world hasn’t seen since the age of the gladiator, but in Graham’s case, every bon mot is the equivalent of the emperor pointing his thumb down.
Now, Horne didn’t endorse Trump necessarily, but her comments were surely designed to send a signal to Trump’s Palmetto State supporters that her views were simpatico with theirs.
But what’s particularly shocking about Horne’s non-endorsement endorsement is that this is the very state representative who stood on the floor of the House chambers and shamed her Confederate-flag lovin’ compatriots who were trying to block a bill removing that shameful relic from Statehouse grounds. This was a Horne who stood for unity, who stood against oppression. Today, however, that very same person is defending a hotdog cart Hitler who bristles at the suggestion that his footlong hotdogs are nothing more than little smokies. Clearly, this doesn’t make sense, right?
Sadly, it does.
Horne is tired of Statehouse politics, and she wants a promotion. Right now, her eye is on South Carolina’s First Congressional District seat in the U.S. House of Representative. And guess who currently has that job? Mark Sanford.
I guess when it comes to big-time politics principles are the first thing to go.