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• Just in time for holiday shopping, Presidential primary also-ran Tom Tancredo says he’s ready to protect the nation’s shopping malls from illegal aliens. If I was that big, jolly fat mall rat from north of the border, I’d keep my green card handy and hold off on putting the toy guns in the sack this year.

• Alicia Keys tried to get my credit card information. Man, those record companies do leave these musicians penniless.

• Man hiding hairbrush gets shot dead by police. Hey, I’m as scared of dandruff as the next guy, but come on, boys…

[image-2]• The memorabilia dealer that got the armed shakedown from O.J. had some of the former football star’s ties worn during his murder trial. Possible defense strategy: You just can’t let those Rush Limbaugh ties go once you’ve found the one shirt they match.

• Wall Street Journal web site is going to be a free service. Look for gems like this:

Subprime-mortgage woes crashed into another unexpected corner of the financial industry as analysts raised concerns about zzzzzz