If you went back ten years, to 1998, and explained the past eight years, no one would believe it. It would sound like one of those insane dreams you try and recount to your friends the next day:
Oh man, I had the weirdest dream. George Bush’s son became president. Yeah, the guy who used to own the Rangers. But he only won by like, 5 votes or something crazy like that. Yeah and the other guy said he won and they argued back and forth- Republicans were protesting…But at first it was fine because he was always on vacation. And he vacationed in a really awful town in Texas.
Anyway, but then we were attacked, and it was horrible-and the people who did it were from Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan, but we then attacked Iraq- I know, it doesn’t make any sense.
And then he ran for reelection against Frankenstein. I swear to God, he ran against Frankenstein, and Frankenstein’s wife was in the ketchup business and… and then a storm wiped out New Orleans. And people were living in the Super Dome and Bush said everybody was doing a really great job while the place was under water.
Chinese infants were winning Gold Medals in the Olympics.
And then the economy totally went under, everybody lost their jobs, it was crazy, people were freaking out. And right before I woke up we elected a black guy as our next president, and he had the weirdest name… what was it… oh, his name was Barack Hussein Obama.
I’m never eating before bed again.