I’ve got a real soft spot for the mellow gold hits of the ’70s. I mean, I love the classic rock stuff — Floyd, Zeppelin, Skynyrd, etc. — but there will always be a special place in my two-sizes-too-small heart for the lighter stuff.

Especially Rupert Holmes’ “Escape (The Pina Colada Song).” There’s something delightfully perverse about a story about a married man who goes looking for some extra-c nookie in the personals, finds an anonymous air mattress to lay on, and then meets up with her and discovers it’s the missus. And then they get it on. No harm no foul. The moral here is that the thing you’re after is right under your nose or something like that.

Which is pretty much the tale that Jim DeMint spins in an op-ed at Fox News announcing his support of U.S. Senate candidate Marco Rubio, the 38-year-old former Florida state Speaker of the House.

While I certainly have questions about whether or not DeMint carries any clout with Sunshine State voters, but there’s no question in my mind that the anecdote that begins his op-ed is one of the lamest I’ve ever read. Here goes:

Once there was a poor farmer who wanted to become fabulously rich in the diamond trade. He deserted his farmland and traveled the world looking for diamonds until he was too old to look anymore. He returned home penniless, only to discover that the fields around his home were thick with flawless diamonds as big as your fist.

The poor guy’s fortune had been right under his nose, but he had wasted his whole life looking everywhere but in his own backyard.

So let’s see, a guy just up and decides to enter the diamond trade without, what, doing any research? Wastes his whole life searching? And then comes home to find a magical patch of diamonds growing around his house like they were dandelions or something?

Even weirder, is DeMint suggesting that Rubio is a rariety — a candidate for higher office that isn’t, well, from the state in which he’s running? Like Floridians routinely go searching for candidate in, I don’t know, Texas to run for the U.S. Senate?