If and when Will Folks’ tell-all about his alleged affair with S.C. Gov. Nikki Haley every comes out, I sure as hell hope it’s better than the one Levi Johnston just released.

I won’t bore you with an in-depth review of Johnston’s book, Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs. There’s simply not that much there — and that’s the kind of flaw that a good, guilty-pleasure tell-all cannot commit.

That said, there are a few choice nuggets offered up by Levi. (Take it all with a grain of salt, of course.)

1. Todd Palin hangs out in the garage all day and night where he works on his snowmobile and drinks beer. When he’s done, he comes inside and passes out in his favorite recliner and sleeps there in his clothes through the night.

2. The Palin family doesn’t eat dinner together, and the kids fend for themselves. According to Johnston, the dinner table is simply another place for the Palin clan to put their stuff. Occasionally, money magically appears on the table and Bristol buys groceries.

3. Sarah Palin has a tanning bed.

4. Sarah Palin not only can’t load a gun, but she doesn’t like the outdoors.

5. The Palins only attended church at Christmas and other holidays.

6. Bristol got pregnant on purpose.

7. Bristol calls her parents by their first names when she’s away from them.

8. Levi never saw Todd and Sarah kiss. In fact, the two generally spend most of their time apart, with the man of the house spending most of his time in the aforementioned garage while his wife spends most of hers alone in her bedroom.

9. Todd believes Alaska should secede from the United States.

10. Wasilla is evidently the Inuit word for “white trash.”