It really feels like losing a leg when we have to send Mitt Romney jokes off to the field. It’s safe to say this isn’t the last we’ll see of Mitt and that he’ll probably be moving to Iowa to do it all over in four years. So, let’s just consider this a volume one.

GOP’s May Debate:

Iraq scare watch from Mitt Romney: If we leave, Turkey will fall. Turkey?! That’s just what we need — another country to invade.

Romney Can Do His Own Hair, But About That Makeup

Forget John Edwards’ $400 haircut. Mitt Romney provides this month’s trip to the vanity mirror.

Presidential candidate Mitt Romney recorded $300 in payments to a California company that describes itself as “a mobile beauty team for hair, makeup and men’s grooming and spa services.”

Romney Supports … Inappropriate Touching?

Mitt Romney: You’ve Heard It All Before:

On turning 60: “As that country song says, I’m not as young as I once was, but I’m as good once as I ever was.”

On America’s future: “Someone has described our current condition as being almost a perfect storm, like that movie.”

On Muslim radicals: “They want to cause the collapse of all civilization, as Tony Blair has said.”

On an allegedly modest Edwards personal savings plan: “Someone yelled out from the audience that it wouldn’t even buy him a haircut.”

On family values: “Peggy Noonan, the speech writer for President Reagan, said our kids are swimming in an ocean of filth — pornography, sex, violence, perversions. It’s time to clean that up.”

On lifelong politicians: “I was with a fellow in New York named Ezra Zilkha. He said, ‘Do you know what’s wrong with America today? … Politics has become a profession, not a duty.’ For me politics is a duty.”

On bipartisanship: “As my aunt says, ‘Watching Washington is like watching two guys in a canoe in a fast-moving river, approaching a waterfall. And instead of paddling, they’re arguing.’”

On America in Iraq: “Shemom Perez … said America is unique in the history of the world. In the history of the world, whenever there’s been a war, the nation that wins take land from the nation that loses … One nation in history has been willing to lay down hundreds of thousands of lives and take no land for itself.”

Mitt Donated To Losing A-Team:

Harpers magazine’s article on Mitt Romney, “How to Fabricate a Conservative,” noted that an early effort to appeal to conservatives in South Carolina included a $2,000 donation to Arthur Ravenel’s A-Team.

… a group of conservative school-board candidates in Charleston ($2,000) called, humorously enough, “The A-Team.” (One pities the fool who might oppose them.)

Considering the trouble the A-Team had, with a high-profile defection in Sandi Engleman and the arguable failure of the campaign, with Lurline and Robin both failing and Ray only successful because he ran unopposed and Arthur’s later endorsement of Rudy Giuliani, I’d say that was money down the drain.

Mitt Spots Cousin In Columbia Crowd:

Let the writers strike all the want to, Mitt will take care of the comedy on his own.

Surprised to see a distant relative in the front row at a campaign stop Wednesday, the Republican presidential hopeful interrupted his education speech at a children’s museum to introduce her.

“In the front row over here is my niece, Heather Glenn,” Romney said. “That’s probably not your last name anymore, Heather. But Heather is a school teacher. Are you a school teacher?”

“No. I’m a pediatrician,” she responded.

Primary Wrap, Jan. 8:

• Yeah, cause that’s the problem — people don’t see enough of those damn Romney signs.

[image-1]You Know You’re In a Tourist Trap When:

I’ll be filing live from the GOP debate Thursday night. I want to state clearly that if Myrtle Beach wakes up Friday morning to find that someone has kicked the nose off of Mitt Romney’s sandy face, it wasn’t me.

GOP Myrtle Beach Debate:

Romney’s campaign just sent out a press release on his work as a governor in Mass. Which is helpful since he hasn’t been asked many questions.

Wait, he did just get a looming split screen while Ron Paul is talking. Really, Romney needs the Chris Dodd clock.

Romney says foreign policy isn’t like the two-man game of checkers like it was in the 20th century. It’s now like 3-D chess, which … um, is still a two-man game.

Romney: Waiting for the Sixth Shoe to Drop