Psst. We’re just being facetious folks as part of our parody SEWE 2018 issue.

When I became old enough to pay attention to my sorority sister’s weekend morning rituals, I couldn’t help but notice that once the Red Bull was dry — like clockwork — it was time for a Vodka Cran. My Big Sis kept all the fixins in an old, hot pink Kaboodle she’d kept from childhood and it went with her everywhere. To parties, game days, her GRE. Over time that sticky box of alcohol and high fructose corn syrup appeared more sophisticated to me. As my Big Sis Mary Margaret would tell it, her great-grandma Ruthie Jean always traveled with an at-the-ready beaker of vodka, homemade cranberry juice, and a tiny tea spoon for mixing, all neatly stowed in her pocketbook. After they heard her story, some dear friends of Mary Margaret’s gave her a 12 Steps book. But that’s neither here nor there. Even though — heavens to Betsy — I’m not a big fan of Vodka Crans, thanks to sorority hazing brainwashing, I’ve still tried to perfect them. But nothing seems to live up to Big Sis Mary Margaret’s recipe.

My Sorority Sis’s Vodka Cran


4 vodka mini bottles (whatever’s cheapest)
2 oz. Ocean Spray Cranberry Cocktail
1 lime wedge


Mix ingredients. Chug.

Yield: 1 Solo Cup

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