I recently took a job at a downtown restaurant as a hostess. Having never worked in the restaurant business before I have come to realize it isn’t as easy as it looks. Since football season has begun people walk in and automatically ask me if one of the TVs can be changed to a certain game even before they even answer my “How are y’all today?” First of all does it say TV guide on my forehead? And secondly, do you think anyone in here gives a shit about a west virginia game? Oh yeah sure let me go ask these drunk douchebags in orange overalls if I can turn off the Clemson game so that you can watch west virginia, I’m sure they’ll understand. Thirdly if the music is too loud, people are screaming at TVs, and you’re afraid they’re going to disturb your sleeping baby, what do you think I can do about it? We don’t have crayons and coloring books for a reason. Also if you hover over me with your sweat smell and bad breath at the hostess stand I cannot seat you any faster.  If there was a table for me to seat you at I would, trust me, I want your yankee accent and alcohol breath from the night before the F out of my face just as much as you want to sit down. Bottom line give me your name, put on your patience hat, and I will find you a waitress to bring you your mountain of stinky seafood nachos as soon as possible.

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