The weekly NonCensus survey is unofficially over and here are the results. But the polls aren’t closed. Go check out the full survey before it’s gone.

1. Richland County Sheriff Leon Lott announced on Feb. 16 that Michael Phelps will not face charges due to the photo taken of the Olympic athlete in Columbia with his mouth wrapped around a bong. The picture frustrated parents with little tadpoles, but provided a rallying tool for pot smokers around the nation. What is the next photo that will shame Phelps while also providing an often beleaguered group with a new spokesman?

C. Phelps showing off his abs and Speedo tanline to Lindsay Lohan in the desperate attempt for a hook-up. Group benefiting: “That guy.”

2. South Carolina officials are trying to press for their requests for the $787 billion federal stimulus plan. What local stimulus project has been overlooked?

A. Pirates of the Charleston Harbor: An animatronic boat ride through the Provost Dungeon. Argh!!!

3. Bristol Palin told Fox News that her mother’s philosophy on teen abstinence is “not realistic at all.” What’s the next myth of parenting that will be shattered?

C. When “one day” comes and you have kids of your own, you will still not know what the hell your parents were talking about.

4. Al Parish wants the court to reduce his 24 year sentence to a little more than six years. What is the event that Parish can’t miss in 2014?

B. World Cup Brazil! Carnival gnomes!

Take the full survey here. The new one should be up later today.