I hate racists.

I know that’s not exactly news, here. Most everyone agrees that racists are a pretty big drag, except, I suppose, racists themselves. And from my perspective, it seems like being a racist scumbag would be a pretty crappy deal; anyone who can get through life without enjoying the music of Miles Davis or Marvin Gaye, the films of Akira Kurosawa or Alfonso Cuaron, the art of Salvador Dali or Frida Kahlo, well, you’re a pretty sad specimen of human being. (And before someone reads that paragraph, realizes they don’t like any of the people I named, and wants to protest that they’re not racist, chill out, man. Seriously.)

Now then, while the internet has provided a way for everyone to march to the beat of a different drummer, it’s also developed as a fascinating place for the racists to spew their hatred and bile and filth. There are literally hundreds of sites dedicated to how much Jews, blacks, whitey, gays, foreigners, the poor, the rich, Catholics, Protestants, Muslims, etc., suck. Which is kinda scary, if you think about it — all of those people out there, just hatin’. Plus, if they ever start their little race war or whatever, I’m especially screwed. I’m a half-black Jew from California, which is totally, like, three strikes for me.

The thing is, I’m not really concerned, because, well, if you look at their websites, these guys are pretty damned stupid. I’m not even talking about their tired and lame rhetoric; anyone with half a brain knows that these jackholes are a bunch of delusional and inbred morons. No, I’m talking about the sites themselves. Filled with spelling errors that make ebonics look like a refined and cultured form of exchange, not to mention page designs that look like a small child on a sugar high threw them together, these guys are more laughable in their attempts to recruit people then anything else.

I mean, really, guys, swirling vector-graphic swastikas? What? Do you people have, like, one floppy disk of crappy low-grade images you swap back and forth, because, seriously, if some 15-year-old kid can pimp out his MySpace profile so that it gives a personalized greeting to whoever visits the page in 36 different languages, then I don’t see why you have to resort to using graphics that would look low-tech on a Commodore 64. I mean, come on, get with the times! If y’all really want to recruit people, you need to spark it up a bit more!

I’m sure everyone’s seen the “dancing Hitler” flash movie that’s floating around. Why not grab that, put it to some of that awful Nazi-punk crap you call music and that way, at least we can all be amused when we visit your pages to laugh at your sad, pathetic little lives. And if the skinhead rock doesn’t float your boat, then yeah, feel free to use that der fuehrer folk music those freaky Prussian Blue twins put out. Creepy stuff.

It just seems to me that here we are, living in the year 2007, with all kinds of amazing new technologies arriving on the scene every other day, and you slack-jawed knuckleheads have the kind of low-tech page that a person would need a dial-up connection to truly appreciate, you know the one from the early ’90s when free websites on Geocities were all the rage.

I must admit, I find it interesting that, just like everything else you morons believe in, you’re completely out of step with the current trends of modern culture. Oh, well. Enjoy your shitty goose-stepping parade to that different drummer, you lame ass Luddites.