In the words of a South of the Border billboard on I-95, “You never sausage a place!”

According to a wildly unscientific study published by online condom retailer Condomania, South Carolinians have at least one reason to hold their heads up high: The state has the 10th-largest … uh … Gamecocks of any state in the union. Fitting, it seems, for a state that has gotten in so many pissing matches with the federal government.

The study, which was based on the sizes of condoms most commonly sold in all 50 states and the District of Columbia, put the Palmetto State just behind skyscraping New York (No. 9) and ahead of mile-high Colorado (No. 11). No. 1 North Dakota showed just how “Far” it could “go,” and Rhode Islanders (No. 2) made up for their state’s tiny stature by showing off what Providence has given them.

Here on the peninsula, we have reason to stand as tall as the statue of John C. Calhoun in Marion Square. We’re not really sure how to end this blog post, so we’ll just wrap it up here.

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