Gov. Mark Sanford will be taking the reigns of the Republican Governors Association later this week, but first he spent Monday railing against a second, state-targeted federal bailout and published an opinion piece on suggesting that the GOP, not conservatives, lost the election.

On the road to getting to his point, Sanford throws in about as much folksy charm as you’d find at Wasilla High pep rallies. There’s a “shellacking,” a note about logs and splinters in eye balls, a reference to the GOP’s looming time in the wilderness, and references to Caterpiller, John Deere, and Chick-fil-a. Note: We’re not sure why Dr. Peper was omitted, but it must have been due to last-minute editing.