Our (almost never) daily look at the day’s news:

• John Segel, the star of the funny “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” is developing a Muppet movie with Sarah Marshall director Nicholas Stoller.

(Segel counts Kermit, “the original Tom Hanks, the everyman,” as a major inspiration.)

[image-1]• DNA testing to begin on children in the recently busted polygamist sect to determine parentage. Kevin Federline still swears he was too busy impregnating D-list TV stars and tragic pop idols.

UPDATE: Looking at this line-up of potential baby daddie, I’d say the PC guy from the Mac commercials might be a more appropriate punch line.

• Jazz hands hurt, cheerleading kills.

Archie has compiled a list of injuries sustained by cheerleaders going back more than decade. The list includes broken backs, concussions and paralysis. Archie’s own daughter, Tiffani Bright, broke her arm in two places when she was 15 years old. After that, Archie started to ask questions and what she found out frightened her. “No one is trying to shut cheerleading down, we just want some protection for the girls,” said Archie.

• The Pentagon wants new drones in Iraq. President Bush probably wants this guy for the job.

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