Seven-Up Gold.

Earth 2.

Red Dog beer.


Abe Vigoda. 

Not a day goes by that I don’t mourn their passing.

But of all the things I grieve, the one thing that saddens me the most is the death of the 9-to-5, 40-hour work week. 

The worst part? I can’t even remember when it slipped away.

Perhaps I drowned out those memories in booze. Perhaps I repressed those painful feelings so that I would never have to feel that pain again. Perhaps, the 40-hour work week never truly existed. It was a myth, a fable, like the creative class or the NCAA’s believe in the sanctity of the student athlete. I know it’s not, but sometimes it just feels that way.

But thanks to Sen. Tim Scott that feeling may finally go away.

Today, Sen. Scott has introduced an amendment that would “restore the 40-hour work week.”  Personally, this couldn’t have come at a better time. 

Right now, work consumes my life. I hop on my laptop as soon as I wake up in the morning, and except for a few short breaks, I work through the rest of the day, often even when I get home. And thanks to the internet, email, and smart phones, not even the weekends are spared.

So believe you me, I fell down on my knees and thanked Jobs Himself when I heard that Tim Scott was going to restore the 40-hour work week. This is exactly what I needed to get my life back on track. Now, I would have time to take my daughters to the park. I would have time to wine and dine the wife like I used to back when we were dating. I would have time to play fetch in the backyard with my two pups. I would be able to finish the Great American Novel. I would finally be able to fall asleep at night with visions of Scarlett Johansson in my head and not spreadsheets and pitches from PR hacks.

And then I discovered that Tim Scott didn’t give a shit about me and he sure as hell didn’t give a shit about restoring the 40-hour work week. Fucker.

Anyhow, here’s the statement that Scott’s Senate staff infections put out. Read it and mourn for a future that will never be:

Senator Tim Scott Introduces Amendment to Restore 40-Hour Work Week Unraveled by Obamacare

Contact: (202) 224-2718

Washington, DC– U.S. Senator Tim Scott (R-SC) today filed an amendment to the Unemployment Insurance extension currently being considered by the Senate that would restore the 40-hour work week that has been unraveled by the provisions of Obamacare. The employer mandate under the federal health law currently requires employers to provide insurance to full time employees and defines “full time” as 30 hours per week or more. As a result, employers are cutting hours for many employees to fewer than 30 per week. Senator Scott’s amendment would change the definition of full-time employment under Obamacare to 40 hours per week.

“Obamacare will destroy the 40-hour work week as we know it,” Scott said. “When the employer mandate goes into effect next year, many Americans who are earning hourly wages to support their families will see a 25 percent cut in their pay as employers struggle with the massive new costs forced on them by the federal government. Thanks to Obamacare, not only will these workers not have health insurance, but they will no longer have full-time jobs.

“I’ve heard from several employers and workers in South Carolina, representing institutions as large as Clemson University and as small as a local surf shop, who are suffering the consequences of the 30-hour definition. Obamacare is bad for employees, bad for families, and bad for businesses. While the negative effects of the law are seemingly countless, restoring the 40-hour requirement will help to soften the blow on American workers and keep their full-time jobs in place.”

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