Men talk about sex in baseball terms- 1st base, 2nd base, 3rd. We have set ourselves up as the hitter and the woman up as the pitcher. And we want to have the highest possible batting average against a woman with the lowest possible ERA. Preferably in the middle of a no hitter. Ideally the first time she’s ever been on the field.

Women cannot participate in the baseball analogy when they talk about sex because they are the pitcher. They can’t say:

“I was getting hammered out there. Giving up hits left and right. Singles doubles triples, I even gave up an inside the park homerun, I don’t even know what that is.”

Women should try shopping analogies when they talk about sex. Which makes sense because men have to hit the woman’s best pitch, women can just choose whichever outfit they want.

“I went out last night, I was just looking- and I saw something really cute, on sale. I tried in on but it was way too small. So I just took it back and got a new one.”