I realized last night that I have exactly two presents for my husband and one of them is a tie. I’m what the French call “Le screwed.”

I waited too long and now I’m in the “Shit shit shit! Gotta shop!” stage of holiday retail hell. But, as my coworkers reminded me today, it’s not all bad. There are still tons of good eats I can buy to gift mi amore.

Here’s my game plan, feel free to steal my notes:

Step 1) Race to Lewis Barbecue for those hot sauces
As I mentioned in a post yesterday, Lewis Barbecue has three proprietary sauces for sale and they’re stocking stuffer ready. At $8.95 a bottle, you can splurge on all three without too much guilt.
[location-5]Step 2) Crowlers. All the Crowlers
We’re lucky that Charleston breweries have caught up with the crowler trend because it means an easy, slurp-ready gift you can chill in the fridge, then pop under the tree. After hitting up Lewis, consider heading up the street to Edmund’s Oast Brewing and pick up a crowler of anything they have on draft. While there you can also check out merch, like EO glasses with designer Blake Saurez signature illustrations.
[location-4]Step 3) Callie’s for Strength
I’m not saying two stores will make you famished, but you might need a little snack to keep your holiday shopping going. Pro tip: Hit up Callie’s Hot Little Biscuit and then you can get yourself a bite while picking up some frozen biscuits for your boo.
[location-3]Step 4) Say Merlot to 2018
If there’s anything we’re all gonna need more of next year, it’s alcohol and if you’re going to imbibe, make it the good stuff. Our best best: hit up Monarch Wine Merchants for some bottles (one for you, two for me). Or, better yet, treat your loved one to Monarch’s Wine CSA. For $69/month, members get three wines with details on each. And, the first Wednesday of each month, members can stop by the shop for a CSA party.
[location-2]Step 5) Get Burnt and Turnt
Continuing efforts to get sauced, for the condiment lover in your life, pick up some of Bob Cook’s Burnt & Salty Coconut Suka, a spicy coconut vinegar. Don’t ask questions. Just do it.

Step 6) Send a subtle hint by signing your loved one up for Basic Kitchen’s Cleanse
For $200, you can give your better half the gift of a clean colon. Or at least we suspect that’s the intention of Basic Kitchen’s Cleanse. This five-day package comes with a Blueberry Almond Smoothie, Cauliflower Leek Soup, Crudités with Carrot Ginger Dip, and enough lemon water to make you float. Of course, with all the clean living, you’re loved one will be positively bouyant by the end of it.