If you’re like me at all, by this point you’re already sick to freakin’ death of the 2008 election race.
Not to date myself, but I remember when it wasn’t until about this time, or a little earlier, that varying politicians would declare their candidacy and start their own little political machines rolling.
The primaries would begin, and the field would start to narrow as each candidate gained or lost ground in their parties until a clear front runner for each was established.
No more. We’ve been hearing about Clinton/Giuliani/McCain/Obama/Romney/etc. for the last nine or 10 months, and I’m already tired of the whole thing.
What’s worse is that it’s become impossible to tell which of the various candidates support the issues I do, which are opposed, and which change their viewpoints faster than a B-movie antihero lights up an unfiltered cigarette.
Sometimes I almost wish we could have theThunderdome method of elections: two candidates enter, one candidate leaves. Unfortunately, that would be bloody (in the physical sense, rather than the philosophical or spiritual). And it would put undue emphasis on the fitness of combatants: Bill Richardson is built like a bear, whereas Dennis Kucinich weighs as much as a wet paper towel.
I’d sooner vote for a guy who supports universal healthcare than a guy who claims to love both the Yankees and the Red Sox. For the uninitiated baseball-wise, that’s like a vegetarian saying that he occasionally loves some prime rib, medium rare.
Normally, I wouldn’t really care about politics enough to write about them in this column — that’s the job Will Moredock and Jack Hunter do elsewhere in these pages. The reason I’m writing about this is the South Carolina Primaries coming up in the next few weeks — the Republican one on the Jan. 19 and the Democratic on Jan. 26 — and it’s important to know who to vote for. If, however, like myself, you’ve become incredibly doubtful about which of the candidates support your particular issues and which of them do not, and this lack of information has you uncertain of which one to vote for, relax, for I have the solution you seek.
For answers, www.smartvoter.org provides an easy-to-use interface to help you figure out which of the candidates currently running reflect your thoughts and feelings on the big issues.
When you get to the website, it first presents a list — the war in Iraq, same-sex marriages, universal healthcare, torture, etc. — and then gives you candidates’ platforms: “supporting,” “opposing,” or “unknown/other.” It then allows you to weigh issues according to how you feel about them. When you’re finished, it’ll tabulate the results and give you a list of contenders in descending order from most to least like the answers you gave.
So, for example, my top Democratic candidate based on these answers is Kucinich, while, much further down, my top Republican is Ron Paul — interesting, since I actually kinda despise both of them for various reasons which, again, I won’t get into here, because this ain’t no political column. Of course, this website ignores what is the most overriding factor in the modern American political machine these days — charisma and catchy sound bites.
It almost seems like a candidate could be a draft dodger, recovering alcoholic, and drug abuser, but if they have the best stage presence, they’ll beat the other guys at the polls every time.
Of course, it also helps to have an evil genius running your campaign as well.
What is Karl Rove up to these days?