Sorry Excuses o’ the Year
• “So what? It’s weed. It should be legal.”
• When an officer asked a man why he was hiding behind a wall, he said, “Man, I was just pissin’,” and hastily threw a crack pipe on the ground.
• A college student accused of stealing a classmate’s $2,500 designer suitcase told police, “My parents own a business. I can buy her a new suitcase.”
• “My friend told me that the clerk doesn’t care if we steal stuff when he’s working.”
• A man who smelled like he’d been doing some boozing stood outside a car dealership and peed his pants. When the cops arrived, he told them, “I’ll be honest, I couldn’t make it to the bathroom inside the store.”
• A man accused of shoplifting told police, “Who cares I took them. Y’all are racist.”
• From a person accused of drunk driving: “I attended Michigan State. I come from a family of cops.”
• Upon getting pulled over for rolling past a stop sign, a bicyclist told an officer, “I ain’t got time for this shit! I got drinks!”
• When a police officer asked a man why he was driving without a license, the man replied that “a lot of Mexicans do it.”
• “I know my music is really loud, but I like this song.”
• After getting in a car accident, a man who smelled like alcohol hopped out of the driver’s seat of his vehicle and told a police officer, “I wasn’t driving!”
• “I’m the only fucking white guy in this apartment building, and I’m tired of that motherfucker downstairs selling me crack. I have bought crack off him for the last fucking five years, and I’m tired of it.”
Fightin’ Words o’ the Year
• “You ain’t shit on the stick.”
• “Don’t knock on my door, or I will put buckshot in you.”
• “If I didn’t have a family, I’d kick your ass!”
• “I’m going to slap you silly, but I’m a gentleman.”
• “Don’t talk shit to the dishwasher.”
• “BTW you looked like an eskimo slut yesterday.”
• “Man, I should piss in your car.”
• “That’s how we do in Geechie world, bitch.”
• “I could squish you with one hand.”
• “She has an uncle named Ozzie, and she will use it.”
• “You are a miserable bitch, and you are probably going to die alone with your stupid cat who is also a bitch like yourself.”
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