The revelation of the T-Rav “assault” has all the Southern Charmers reeling as this week’s episode kicks off. Whitney is sad that Thomas’ political career has been ruined, because, you know, he had a real chance.
And Thomas is desperate for Kathryn to come back to Charleston from her weekend at Jekyll Island so they can stand together as a united front, because, you know, they’ve been so united throughout his campaign.
Kathryn swears that she had nothing to do with the crazy situation between Thomas and her hair stylist, in which the stylist accused Thomas of assaulting her. But crazy stuff just never stops coming between Thomas and Kathryn, if Kathryn does say so herself.
Craig advises Kathryn not to return to Charleston and just go dancing, which, being a fellow brainless 20-something, Kathryn decides is a fine idea. Whitney has been designated Kathryn’s official babysitter by Thomas, who has asked Whitney to make sure she comes straight home. Kathryn decides to give everyone a big giant middle finger, a symbolic gesture that will appear again later in this episode, and stay with the Charmers and party down.
Shep is gobsmacked by Kathryn’s decision to stay behind: “It’s something Craig would do,” he observes. “Kathryn and Craig are perfect for each other.”
JD decides he’s not going to worry about it and get his salsa dance on. Or maybe he’s going to get his chip-dipping dance on. The crazy dance instructor creates a weird dance metaphor and everyone is confused and nobody learns how to dance.
Landon once again takes Kathryn’s side and says T-Rav’s baby mama has been sidelined throughout the campaign, so why should she rush back to his side? JD and Whitney condescendingly talk about Kathryn’s decision, and this discussion reveals yet another weird timeline issue. If Kathryn was at Jekyll, why does she need to give a statement to the police to clear Thomas’ name? And why was the hairstylist there if Kathryn wasn’t?
Whitney floats his diabolical theory to JD that Kathryn has the motive to sabotage T-Rav’s campaign. If he wins and makes it to the senate, he will never marry her! Kathryn may be immature, but she’s not dumb enough to think Thomas could actually win this race. Thomas is the only one holding on to that delusion.
JD thinks Whitney has read too much Shakespeare as a kid. His theory is whack.
Back in Charleston, Thomas and Sandy Duncan discuss the horrible media and how they picked up this tabloid trash story just to smear him. As he says, he had zero margin for error. And his life is full of errors.
Whitney shows up at Thomas’ campaign office, and Thomas is reluctant to discuss details of the alleged “assault.” But he does smear the hairstylist, throwing around words like “trash” and “interloper” while praising her talents as a hairdresser. Now that’s a real politician for you.
Poor Thomas has lots of expectations about how someone who loves him should behave. She should be at his side when he needs her, even though he hasn’t behaved in a loving way himself.
Case in point: the angry Facebook post. In the real world, that Facebook post in which he broke up with Kathryn was the third or fourth late-night rant over the years that he’s posted and then deleted in the light of day. (In one post, he even threatened to spank the editor of the City Paper, which was me at the time. Tee hee.) This is something Thomas does. He obviously doesn’t learn his lesson. This time, the FB post not only lingers in cyberspace, it shows up as a screen shot on the reality show he foolishly agreed to star in.
“I am angry, and that’s why I made the post. I mean, that’s really like getting it out there to tens of thousands of people, that we are over.” Classy.
Kathryn, of course, reads it on Facebook. A sad montage follows as she packs up her belongings and hightails it to her parents’ house in the country. This montage almost makes it look like they were a promising couple once upon a time. But we know better than that. Her daddy seems pretty sad, though, and gives his baby girl a big hug and kiss. Awww.
At the Altschul mansion, Patricia and Whitney settle in with popcorn and soda (or rather guacamole and bourbon sours) while they watch the nightly news interview Thomas on his assault/break up/baby mama debacle.
Whitney tells his mom about his suspicion that Kathryn and Craig had “congress” on the beach in Jekyll Island. In a flashback scene, Craig denies denies denies. But Whitney is not satisfied.
Patricia has no sympathy because Thomas was warned: “She’s a scandal, a shameless strumpet.”
Cut to election day. Thomas gets dressed for success at his plantation while the Charmers head out to vote. All except Whitney, who is not registered to vote in South Carolina. Whoops.
The episode and T-Rav’s campaign wrap up with an epic results-watching party at Sermet’s. And by epic, I mean attended by about 10 people willing to bear witness to Thomas’ crushing defeat.
Cameran thinks Thomas should be a politician because it’s a good job for him that will keep him out of trouble. Oh, wait. That’s right. He was caught doing cocaine while he was state treasurer. Despite her wish to say something nice, Cameran speaks the truth — again.
The reality of the punishing loss is just too much for Cameran, who gets to the party early with Craig and starts drinking. By the time the party’s over, she’s hammered and acting completely out of character. Finally! We knew she was keeping herself tightly under wraps in this show. Nice to see her finally lose her shit like the rest of them.
Unfortunately, good time Cam is not enough to distract us from the train wreck of Thomas, confronted by his loss and his petulant baby mama, who shows up to the party just in time to celebrate Thomas getting 4 percent of the vote.
T-Rav is embarrassed, defeated, and angry at himself for having to talk about this crap on television. As he gives his concession speech, Kathryn marches into the room. Looks of disbelief from everyone. But Thomas pointedly thanks Kathryn from the stage. Weird.
Everyone’s got something to say about her showing up.
A woman scorned watching the person that scorned her fail miserably goes beyond the pale, says Shep.
She’s more likely arrogant, presumptuous, narcissistic — not stupid — observes Pat.
Thomas doesn’t want her near him as he nurses his wounds. “Thank you for your support,” he tells her in the biggest kiss-off way possible.
She runs over to the others to gossip about what Thomas dared to say to her. “Nobody knows what I have sacrificed through this campaign.”
Landon, for once, doesn’t take Kathryn’s side and tells her she’s being conceited by showing up at this failure party and thinking it’s all about her. Kathryn shoots her a big, giant, classy middle finger and tells her to fuck off.
And with that, we leave this sad episode and look forward to next week’s debacle when Kathryn runs screaming down the sidewalk yelling at Thomas not to leave her. Can’t wait.