Concert goers live in a world they believe to be loud and free. But there is, unheard by most, an outer world, a barrier between in and out, just as loud but not as free as they thought — the world outside a venue, where the door guy simply wants you to pay the cover charge. Welcome to a few nights in the life of Tin Roof’s door dude, Rex Stickel.
A guy is talking to his group of friends that just paid the cover.
Guy: “Yeah, so this is one of those chain bars, like the other Tin Roofs.”
Me: “Actually, no, it isn’t.”
Guy: “Yeah it is, they got one in Columbia, and…”
Me: “Not this one.”
Guy: “You sure?”
Two guys walk up.
Me: “Hello, we have a show tonight. The cover is $7.”
Guy: “We have to pay to get in?”
Me: “Yes sir … there’s a show tonight … and the $7 cover pays the bands.”
Guy: “Well, how do we get in there?” [Points to the patio.]
Me: “Easy! It’s a $7 cover.”
Guy walks up to me and another guest.
Band Guy: “Yes sir.”
Me: “Right on.”
Band Guy walks into the venue.
Guy: “How’d you know he’s in the band?”
Me: “Nobody wears pants that tight on purpose and isn’t in a band.”
Me: “Hello, gentlemen. It’s $5 for the show, and you guys got IDs on you?”
Guy: “Really? Me?”
Me: “‘Everybody,’ is what my boss tells me to say.”
Guy: “I’m just teasing. Because I’m old as fuck.”
Me: “We’re all on our way.”
PSA: No matter how many kids you are related to in the band, if you are attending a show in a bar, don’t drink mini-bottles out of your purse.
A couple walks up.
Me: “Hey, guys. We’re having a comedy show tonight, so it’s $5.”
Girl: “I thought it was karaoke tonight?”
Guy: “Is it open mic?”
Me: “Karaoke is right after! And no, not open mic.”
Guy: “Is open mic like karaoke?”
Me: “Uhh … sort of?”
Guy with a camera walks up.
Me: “Hey, man. Here for the show? We’re taking $7.”
Guy: “Well, yeah … I actually used to play with them. I usually run their merch, but [holds up camera] tonight I’m taking pictures, so … Do you think … uhhh … is there any way that, uhhh…”
Me: “Don’t worry, man, I’m fluent in ‘I don’t wanna pay.’ I just need your ID.”
2020 New Year’s Door Resolutions
1. I promise to not only bring cash, but when asked for a cover, not act shocked like an alien just emerged from your chest and asked for a loan.
2. I promise to bring exact change, not actual change.
3. I promise when I blow smoke in your face, it at least won’t be menthol.
4. I promise to provide ID when asked, as opposed to crossing my arms and asking, “really?”
5. I promise to look slightly up and to the left at the marquee to see which bands are playing and won’t throw a fit when the doorman can’t recite them from memory.
6. I promise to adhere to the NO PARKING signs as opposed to explaining to me you’ve “parked there before” or “I didn’t think that meant me.”
7. I promise not to heckle comedians because if I really thought I was that funny I should have signed up to get on stage.
8. I promise not to sign up for open mic comedy if my “set” includes the phrase “on the recent Joe Rogan podcast.”
9. I promise no matter how enticing it may seem, I will not ask for verification if you actually work here, despite every other person showing you ID and paying you the cover.
10. Eat more vegetables.