It is very important to the modern American psyche to feel like we have a leg up. That just by being born in this country we are the prom kings and queens of the world. But as globalization has proved that we aren’t the best workers in the world, test scores show we aren’t the smartest, and the war in Iraq shows we can’t even beat someone up the right way-we’ve been bummed out. Then with the dollar getting crushed by the Euro, the Yen, and the Pound, then the final blow coming when the Canadian dollar tied us (what is that all a-boot) we been eating rocky road ice cream, watching So You Think You Can Dance, obsessing over Bret Farve, trying to cheer ourselves up.

Enter the Olympics. For almost a year we’ve gotten to look down our collective noses at the pollution in Beijing, (forgetting that the Olympics were held in Los Angeles in 1984), and the occupation of Tibet, (forgetting our Native American past). Then the games started and the Chinese kept giving. They CGI’d the fireworks for the opening ceremony (the horror), they had a cute girl lip sync for an ugly girl (Doh- Ashley Simpson) and had 10 year olds competing in gymnastics (ok, that is seriously messed up). Then our old reliable nemisis Russia decided to invade Georgia- the one region over there that we can all pronounce, and we get to think of them as big evil Russian bears again with that Putin and his beady little eyes- uck, thank god we would never do anything like that, invade a foreign country, how dare they.

So we are starting to feel better, staring into the future with the Chinese and the Russians solidly the bad guys and we are the Michael Phelps of the world, winning everything in sight, our DUI solidly behind us. Now if we only elect Barack Obama, and we won’t be racist any more either. This is shaping up to be a pretty good summer.