It takes a special movie to genuinely piss you off in the span of two hours, and this year there were quite a number of cinematic crimes against humanity. Here are the 10 worst movies of 2015 in no particular order, except one. I’ve saved the worst for last.
The Boy Next Door
Jennifer Lopez as a schoolteacher? Yes please. Trapping her in a second-rate thriller in which she has to fight off a teenage stalker? Hollywood, you can do better than that.
Beyond the Reach
Apparently character motivations and a decent script were “beyond the reach” for this Michael Douglas/Jeremy Irvine drama set in the Mojave Desert. Like Goatse, if you see it, you’ll regret it.
George Clooney was all over the poster and trailer, then nowhere to be found for the first 50 minutes of the movie. Tomorrowland is especially disappointing because it was co-written and directed by Brad Bird, who was so tremendous with The Incredibles and Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol.
Sean Penn teamed with Javier Bardem in an attempt to see how soundly they can put people to sleep. They succeeded. There’s a hitman, a rival, and a girl they both love, and yet this actioner never gets off the ground to at least be interesting.
Found-footage horror movies need to die. And I’m not talking about one of those fake horror movie deaths — I’m talking a real, permanent death to this gimmick, which has been played out for years. In the case of The Gallows, teenagers were trapped inside their high school overnight. I was rooting for them to die so the movie would end and I could leave.
The sad thing about the Fantastic Four reboot was that you could actually see its potential, but this $120 million mistake from 20th Century Fox — it only grossed $56 million domestically — got caught between director Josh Trank’s “body horror” vision and something more commercial, and the end result was something that didn’t work for either.
Rock the Kasbah
A movie with Charleston fave Bill Murray as a louse of a music manager in Afghanistan looking for a star sounds like it has potential, but the story ends up taking him on a series of misguided and unfunny adventures, all of which fail to land the social message the film feels obligated to deliver.
The ridiculous makeup and costumes in this Neverland origin story were one thing, the hammy performances another. But ruining the story of Peter Pan was the biggest sin of all.
If you’re going to have a main character (played by Carey Mulligan) lose her family, job, possessions, and everything else while petitioning for women’s right to vote, here’s an idea: At least allow that woman to express why the right to vote is important to her. This should have been an Oscar contender, and instead it’s a joke.
The D Train
If you ever happen to see The D Train, you leave it feeling sorry for Jack Black and James Marsden. Black plays a Pittsburgh loser who flies to L.A. to try to get a former classmate-turned-actor (Marsden) to come to their high school reunion. At no point does Dan show any dignity or self-respect or give us anything to root for. He’s a loser for a multitude of reasons, and worse, as the protagonist he provides nothing for us to enjoy about the film, which is a train wreck from start to finish.