Blotter o’ the Week: Police found a man sitting in his car after midnight wearing a Guy Fawkes mask. When an officer confronted him about it and informed him that it’s illegal to wear a mask in public, the man said he was waiting to surprise his girlfriend, who had just walked into a nearby convenience store. The man received a C for Citation.

When asked why he was drinking beer on a bench beside a playground at 9:45 a.m., a man replied, “Because I did not know of another public place that I could drink.”

A man was caught peeing in the street while standing a mere 20 yards away from a police officer. After he was caught, the man apologized, saying he was too drunk to drive home and was waiting on his girlfriend to pick him up.

Over the course of several months, someone stole 16 sticks of women’s deodorant and six tubes of toothpaste from a convenience store.

Threat o’ the Week: “I’m gonna stomp on his head if he doesn’t get out of my house.”

A man called the cops to report that his friend had threatened him while drunk. Police arrived and arrested the friend. A couple of hours later, the officers ran a background check on the complainant and saw that he had a warrant out of Berkeley County for skipping out on child support payments, so they drove back and arrested the complainant.

A woman walked into a check cashing business and tried to cash a stolen check that was made out to someone else. She got busted pretty quickly when she signed her own name on the back.

A woman was found passed out in her car around 4:15 p.m. with an empty box of wine in the passenger seat. She needs to get one of those “Franzia is my co-pilot” bumper stickers.

A man was borrowing his girlfriend’s vehicle when he pulled up to a convenience store and left the car running with the doors unlocked. Two minutes later, upon exiting the store, he found the car exactly where he had left it — just kidding! The car was gone, obviously.

Stolen From Vehicles This Week: Two rods and reels, a 16-gauge shotgun, a leather bag containing four boxes of shotgun shells, a camera, an iPad, a pair of Costa Del Mar sunglasses, and two pairs of gold shoes.

A high school student stood in a stairwell in front of a surveillance camera and smoked a cigar. As the school resource officer hauled him into the principal’s office, the boy tried to throw a baggie of weed away in the hallway. He got caught doing that, too.

Weapon o’ the Week: A firewood log.

A man was found passed out in some bushes around 4:15 p.m. with his pants unbuttoned. What is it with 4:15 all of a sudden? Is this the new witching hour?

After seeing an abandoned moped left in a parking garage for two months, a man decided to take the moped home with him. Later, when the man called police to inform them that he had been in possession of an abandoned vehicle for 13 days, he told police that he had waited so long to call them because he “had been busy and lazy,” according to an incident report.

Upon getting caught drinking in a park for the second day in a row, a man told a police officer, “Come on, man, who cares what I’m doing out here? It’s the weekend.” When asked what he does during the week, the man replied, “I drink during the week.”

Action-Packed Crime Scene o’ the Week: According to an accident investigation, it appears that a woman was sitting in a parked Oldsmobile in a housing complex parking lot when the vehicle started inching forward, traveled slowly across a few lanes of traffic, and collided with a utility pole. There was no discernible damage to the utility pole.

While he was being arrested on a charge of drug paraphernalia possession, a man kept inviting a police officer to go around the corner and smoke crack with him. “I gotta five on me; I can score a five rock ’round the corner,” the man said. When the officer refused, the man stated that he had “a sickness” and that he hoped the officer would catch it.