Let’s go ahead and get this over with. Right here, right now.
I don’t want to waste anybody’s time, especially not the fine folks who regularly read Haire of the Dog.
See I know how valuable your time is. I know that you’re working harder than ever and getting paid less and less for your troubles.
I know that you had to drop the kids off at school today at 7:30 and you’ll have to take them to soccer practice at 5 and you have to make sure they do their homework before they go to bed.
I know that you don’t have time to do all the things you love to do, the very things that make you who you are.
You have no time to hit the links.
You have no time to meet up with your friends for gossip and coffee.
You have no time to read that book that’s been sitting on your nightstand for six months and six days, taunting you, mocking you, cursing you, blaming you, hating you.
I know that your health is suffering because you don’t have time to exercise and you don’t have time to make anything other than a microwavable meal.
I know that you want to change. I know that you want to be the best person you can possibly be, but there simply aren’t enough hours in the day to … get … it … all … done.
And that’s why I refuse to waste your time.
I’m not going to talk about how I just found out that the Green Power Ranger has a line of Christian-inspired MMA clothing called Jesus Didn’t Tap.
I’m not going to ramble on and on about the juice-box inanity of “Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”
I’m not going to pen an angry screed about the Cory Monteith eulogy episode of “Glee” nor mention for the hundredth, millionth, billionth, zillionth time that “Don’t Stop Believin'” is the single worst song ever written after “We Built This City on Rock ‘n’ Roll.”
I’m not going to write how Kanye West’s Confederate flag concert T-shirts are a masterstroke in controversy porn.
I’m not going to tell you that I watched the “Captain America: Winter Soldier” trailer and how it looked like a dreadful mashup of “Star Trek Into Darkness”, Fox News’ annual 9/11 disaster party, and a Bazooka Joe comic.
No. No. No.
I just won’t do it.
I’m not going to tell you about what I drank last night.
I’m not going to tell you about this morning’s hangover.
And I’m not going to tell you about what I drank to make that hangover go away.
Other people may waste your time, but I will not.
I think you are the best.
The bees knees.
You’re better than ice cream.
And puppy dogs.
And little babies.
And puppy dogs licking the ice cream-covered faces of little babies.
I respect you too much.
So, I’ll just come right out and say it: I recuse myself from writing a column on the Board of Architectural Review’s disgracefully rude treatment of internationally renowned architect Brad Cloepfil and the rest of the team behind the proposed Clemson Architecture Center.
The thing is I just realized something: I’m an asshole.
And because of that I can’t write about BAR’s amateur-hour shenanigans at this week’s meeting, the one where the BAR was supposed to vote on the designs for the Clemson Center, the one where the Portland-based Cloepfil was supposed to defend his designs, the one where several BAR members realized during the middle of the meeting that they couldn’t vote on the project because they had connections to the project. If I did write about this public relations disaster, I would offer little more than a string of nonsensical expletives the likes of which the world hasn’t heard since Christian Bale’s Terminator flip out became a techno internet meme.
When it comes down to it, I just don’t understand how the BAR could allow Cloepfil to fly cross-country to defend his designs when they knew full well that several BAR members would have to recuse themselves from voting for or against those designs. Surely, they knew that three of its members couldn’t vote on the Clemson Architecture Center. Surely, they knew they had to find BAR alternates who could. Surely, they could have told Cloepfil, this team, and the public all of this before hand. But they didn’t. The question of course is why?
Hopefully, Mayor Riley is paying attention to this, because this ain’t good for Charleston the Brand™. After all, what world-class architect is going to take on a project in Charleston when he or she risks getting passive-aggressively pissed on by the Board of Architectural Review? The answer is no one. Try getting the CVB to make a promotional video about that.