Spencer Pratt is a humanitarian. A guy that really goes above and beyond for his fellow man. And that fellow man is me. Let me explain.

See, Spencer, the scruffy-faced half of the two-headed blonde beast know as Speidi, is a Hollywood D-lister. In addition to his regular gig on The Hills, a reality show which follows the rich kids in LA doing what rich kids in LA do — talk endlessly about themselves and their relationships, apparently — Spencer recently starred on the trashfest, I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here. On this show, red-carpet wannabes are forced to live in the jungle for a few weeks; eat a steady diet of beans, rice, and various multi-legged things; and degrade themselves at a moment’s notice by engaging in some “challenge.” It’s a lot like hazing, but in this case it’s all being filmed and the sheep stays on the farm.

On I’m a Celebrity, Spencer’s joined by several celebreality “stars” — the lesser Baldwin Brothers (recovering addict Daniel and born-again blowhard Stephen), nip-tuck nightmare Janice Dickinson, the rotund comedic commentators known as Frangela (Francis Callier and Angela V. Shelton), American Idol whipping boy Sanjaya Malakar, and the other half of the Speidi twins — Heidi Pratt. Also on hand are Lou Diamond Phillips (aka, the man whose wife left him for Melissa Etheridge), basketball great John Salley, and Patti Blagojevich, the wife of disgraced politician Rod Blagojevich.

Well, for Spencer, living in the jungle was too much, and by the end of that first day, he and Heidi had called it quits. In order to do that, Spencer had to talk to NBC programming executive Ben Silverman. According to Access Hollywood, here’s what Spencer said:

“I’m too rich, and I’m too famous to be sitting with these people and cleaning up their shit in the jungle, my man. And this cast is devaluing our fame right now … I thought it was gonna be all celebrities.”

Hey, Spencer, so did everybody else. Or at least that’s what I’m guessing.

But if you want to know what the difference is between Spencer Pratt and a real star, say Brad Pitt, it’s this: Pitt is a bit more selective when it comes to the amount of camera-time he willfully gives the public. He doles it out in two-hour chunks, maybe two or three times a year — you know, in movies. Spencer, on the other hand, doesn’t know how to step out of the spotlight, even when it’s nothing more than a reflection off the face of a Timex watch. The point is, if you’re going to live your life in the spotlight, you have to watch what you say.

This is a lesson that it appears Linda Ketner has recently learned. As you know, Ketner faced off against Henry Brown for South Carolina’s 1st Congressional District seat in 2008. She lost. And apparently, the fact that she was openly gay played little role in her defeat. This is South Carolina after all; we like to hold on to incumbents as much as we do our lost causes.

And while Ketner will likely run again someday — but not in 2010 as she recently announced— she’s not ready for prime time just yet. In an interview with Howie Klein at the liberal blog, Fire Dog Lake, the Democrat Ketner committed a major error — she ran her mouth. Here’s what she said: “We have more gay people serving in South Carolina than probably in anyplace in the United States; they’re just not out of the closet.” And to prove that point, Ketner then named three very prominent South Carolina Republicans.

Now, I couldn’t care less about who is gay and who isn’t. I’m more fascinated by political gameplay, and in this case, Ketner should have known better than to go spreading rumors, especially to some hack who doesn’t know the difference between off-the-cuff smack-talking and printable fact. And besides, Ketner simply isn’t in a position to know whether any of the three men she cited is gay, straight, or Byronic. Klein had to know as much. But he didn’t care.

Shortly after the quote was reprinted on various South Carolina and gay blogs, Ketner issued a mea culpa on her site. And good for her. But the damage has been done. Not to the three men she mentioned — they’re probably used to the rumor-mongering by now — but to her own political career.

Welcome to the jungle, Linda. The D-List ain’t so bad. Just stay away from Spencer Pratt.