In the world of Olympic commentators, every spill and every save, every triumph and every loss, every gold medal victory and every asswhuppin’ comes down to one thing and one thing alone: Confidence.
To listen to these chatterboxes is to realize winning an Olympic medal is not a test of innate ability, conditioning, hard-won skills, and completely unpredictable little acts of God. Nay. Winning is an act of will.
Of course, these boob tube goons can’t decide if confidence is a good or bad thing.
Let’s say a male snowboarder wipes out after trying to pull off a particularly difficult trick. One commentator will blame it on over-confidence. However, another commentator will say that he wasn’t confident enough. Well, which is it?
And then there’s the case of the female figure skater who falls early in her routine. Once again, if she falls, it was because she was over-confident, she was too sure or her abilities. It wasn’t because her ankle gave out ever so slightly. It wasn’t because her muscles were just too sore. And it sure as hell wasn’t because she was getting kattywhompus-stomach cramps because she’d been downing nothing but borscht and Red Bull for three days straight. But if she nails her routine? Yay, confidence!
All in all, it just cheapens the efforts of both the winners and the losers. But it does make for one helluva drinking game.
I challenge you to watch the Olympics tonight from 7 p.m. until Bob Costas signs off and take a sip every time a commentator talks about “confidence.” You’ll be hammered by beddy-bye time.