-I saw that Coors is the Official Beer of Nascar.  How can an activity that involves driving 180 mph have an official beer?

– I get so embarrassed if my credit card is declined.  Like the seventeen year old at the cash register is going to judge me and think I’m a loser.  I always pretend like I was expecting that to happen.   “Thank you for checking that for me.  I needed to make sure it wasn’t still working.  This is the one I wanted you to use.  That one has been declined too?  Great. That is good.  It’s probably because I’m shopping outside of my zip code.  My bank is protecting me.  Can I write you a check?”

-I have a friend who is a scientist, and he’s always giving me too much information on things.  He said to me:

“Do you know dandruff is actually a fungus eating away at your scalp?”

and I said:

“No more Parmesan cheese for me waiter, thank you.”

While that is incredibly disgusting, it is also a brilliant marketing idea for Head and Shoulders.   Just say:

Head and Shoulders-Fungus is Eating You Scalp.