It’s Valentine’s Day today. That might mean something significant to those having fun and romance with a cool girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse. However, for those in the painful throes of loneliness, heartbreak, despair, confusion, such a holiday can be a total drag.

This City Paper song list is dedicated to the sad-sacks who cringe at the sound of mushy romantic music, or hearing about Billboard’s silly new 50 Sexiest Songs of All Time list. Here’s two dozen pop, rock, and country classics with which to tearfully relate:

“Crying” — Roy Orbison

key lyric: “I thought that I was over you, but it’s true, so true / I love you even more than I did before, but darling what can I do? / For you don’t love me and I’ll always be crying over you”

“Greasy Spine” — Volcano Suns

key lyric: “Never trust a girl with a greasy spine when she says she wants to be your Valentine…”

“Ouch!” — The Rutles

key lyric: “Ouch! / You’re breaking my heart / Ouch! / I’m falling apart / Ouch!”

“Poor Poor Pitiful Me” — Warren Zevon

key lyric: “Poor, poor pitiful me / These young girls won’t let me be / Lord have mercy on me … woe is me”

“Love Stinks” — The J. Geils Band

key lyric: “I’ve been through diamonds, I’ve been through minks, I’ve been through it all … Love stinks”

“Stone Cold” — Rainbow

key lyric: “Searching in the darkness, fading out of sight / Love was here and gone like a thief in the night”

“She’s So Cold” — The Rolling Stones

key lyric: “I’m so hot for you and you’re so cold”

“You’re as Cold as Ice” — Foreigner

key lyric: “I’ve seen it before, it happens all the time / You’re closing the door, you leave the world behind”

“I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry” — Hank Williams Sr.

key lyric: “Hear that lonesome whippoorwill, he sounds too blue to fly / The midnight train is whining low, I’m so lonesome I could cry”

“Kicked in the Teeth” — AC/DC

key lyric: “I used to think you were sugar and spice / I should have listened to my mom’s advice / Kicked in the teeth again!”

“I Knew the Moment I Lost You” — Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys

key lyric: “A man will have his trials and tribulations / At times, he’ll feel so low and so blue / But from now on I’ll be entirely different / For I knew the moment I lost you”

“So Sad About Us” — The Who

key lyric: “So sad about us … never meant to break up / Suppose we’ll never make up / So sad about us”

“Mean Old Lonesome Blues” — Buddy Jones

key lyric: “I’m going to the river, gonna jump in and drown / I’m tired of you women knockin’ me around”

“Sad Lovers Waltz” — Camper Van Beethoven

key lyric: “One step for anger, one step for pain, step away / One step for right, one step for wrong, step away / Don’t take the third step, ‘cuz that’s just a sad lover’s waltz”

“Since You’re Gone” — The Cars

key lyric: “Since you’re gone, I missed the big sensation / Since you’re gone, I took the big vacation”

“Feeling Called Love” — Wire

key lyric: “What is this feeling called love? / What is this crazy thing I can’t explain anyhow? / What is this feeling called love? / What is this crazy scene I can’t work out anyhow?”

“The Breakup Song” — Greg Kihn Band

key lyric: “Now I wind up staring at an empty glass / ‘Cause it’s so easy to say that she’ll forget your past”

“Poison Ivy” — The Coasters

key lyric: “She’s pretty as a daisy, but look out, man, she’s crazy / She’ll really do you in if you let her under your skin”

“Suspicious Minds” — Elvis Presley

key lyric: “We can’t go on together with suspicious minds”

“When Will I be Loved?” — The Everly Brothers

key lyric: “When I meet a new girl that I want for mine? / She always breaks my heart in two, it happens every time / I’ve been cheated, been mistreated/ When will I be loved?”

“The Bitterest Pill (I Ever Had to Swallow)” — The Jam

key lyric: “The bitterest pill is hard to swallow / The love I gave hangs in sad colored, mocking shadows”

“Let Her Go Into the Darkness” — Jonathan Richman

key lyric: “Just let her go into the darkness / Let her learn from all the things there”

“Oldest Story in the World” — The Plimsouls

key lyric: “You said your good-byes, you broke all the ties / It struck me dumb to think I tried for you”

“I Hate You” — The Monks

key lyric: “Hey, well I hate you with a crush, oh baby, yeah / Well you know my hate’s everlastin’ baby, yeah, yeah / (but call me)”

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