We couldn’t let 2014 get away from us without recognizing some of the best of the worst we’ve seen on the Blotter page over the past year. We’ve got five of our favorites listed below (you probably remember these chumps), but we want your help to crown a champ. Cast your vote at the bottom of this post.
Pride and Poop – A 71-year-old woman walked out into her yard to ask a woman if she could please teach her dog to poop somewhere else. According to witnesses, the woman with the dog responded by shoving the elderly woman, yelling racial epithets, and waving a bag full of dog crap in the lady’s face.
Dunkin’ and Whizzin’ – A resident at a nursing home was walking outside the building with her dog when she saw a fellow resident put down a box of donuts, unzip his pants, and pee on the side of the building. When she asked him what he was doing, the man reportedly turned toward her and kept peeing. The woman went inside and was about to get on the elevator when the man cut in front of her and called her a bitch.
Bros Pressuring Bros – A USC fraternity brother who said he was in town for a “formal” was seen stumbling down the sidewalk around 1:30 a.m. with his tuxedo hanging open unbuttoned. The bro said he had been drinking, but that he just wanted to have a good time. Then he asked the cop if he wanted to have a good time. The officer searched the bro and found a half-gram of cocaine in a plastic baggie, which the bro explained he only uses “because of all the pressure from everyone.” He also claimed he had consumed 36 alcoholic beverages that evening.
Wrestling with Jesus – When a cop asked for identification from a man who was refusing to pay an $11.65 taxi fare, the man said he had lost his driver’s license at a bar. He also said he was unemployed, but that he was “wrestling with Jesus.” The cop asked what that meant, and the man replied, “Well, just wrestling with Jesus to try to figure him out. I wrestle with them all, even Noah and Muhammad.” When the cop arrested the man on charges of public intoxication and defrauding a public accommodation, the man said he wanted to be an electrician and that he had “secret clearances.” Then he started dancing.
Handsy Mascot – A restaurant employee says he was dressed as a mascot when a customer started “kissing him, dancing inappropriately on him, and at one point took [the mascot’s] hands and placed them on her chest,” according to an incident report.