Like most any business out there, we get our fair share of Nigerian prince-style spam. Normally, I don’t respond, but today just seemed like a good day to write back. Enjoy.

The email in question:


Am Mr Tom Smith I would like to place an order of (wakeBoard) from your company to Argentina,kindly email me with the types you have and their prices and also what type of credit cards do you accept for payment .Waiting for your prompt responses.


The response:

Hello Tom,

We have several types of wakeBoards, and we’re sure you’ll find something you like.

Our wakeBoards come in various colors: Pink, Pinkish, and Pinkerton. We recommend the Pinkerton, but only in plaid. Note: You can get them customized as well. Right now, the Brazilian Wax is popular, although Krokadil was big over the summer. And if you act now, they come with a Gucci carrying case autographed by Jose Canseco’s missing fingertip.

As for styles, we’ve got three to choose from: The Gandalf, The Magneto, and Ian Fucking McKellen. All three are guaranteed to give you a good ride, and they will take you to breakfast in the morning. A word of caution first: Did not look any of them directly in the eyes or you will turn into a stoned hippie lost in a Tit Offensive flashback.

Hail Hydroxide.